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A lot of people who wanted to become professional athletes gave up this idea because of the fear of failure and parents' pressure. Do you think that parents should support their children who want to do a career in sports? Support your point of view with relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

A lot of people who wanted to become professional athletes gave up this idea because of the fear of failure and parents' pressure. Do you think that parents should support their children who want to do a career in sports? Support your point of view with relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. dWQP
These days, the number of athletes who refuse their career is increasingly growing. One of the most obvious reasons for this is the constant parent’s tension and fears. I believe that parents have to support their children in their tough choice. To begin with, high performance is very cruel and athletes experience pressure from coaches, functionaries and judges all the time, because everyone needs from them only competition results. These factors have a huge impact on their well-being. It could have positive consequences, when the athletes are able to overcome the tension and circumstances and win the competition. But the tension could break them mentally and physically. For instance, once my friend decided to become a professional figure skater, but the overwhelming pressure of his mother to improve his performance forced him to leave this idea. This is the reason why it is so incredibly important ro feel the support from parents. Moreover, professional sport requires a high physical stability, but personal phobias and fears could interfere with it. One of them is the fear of the audience. If athletes are not able to deal with his personal concern, he will not be able to represent a high quality performance. Furthermore, there are plenty of injuries, which pursue every athlete, their whole profesional life and only parents and beloved people's support could help them to find courage to fight. In conclusion, I think that parents should support their children in dedicating their lives to sport. It is a tough part, requiring a lot of effort and containing a lot of obstacles, which are too hard to overcome under the parents pressure.
These days, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
who refuse their career is
increasingly
growing. One of the most obvious reasons for this is the constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
tension and fears. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
their children in their tough choice.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, high performance is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
cruel and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
experience pressure from coaches, functionaries and judges all the time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everyone needs from them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
competition results. These factors have a huge impact on their well-being. It could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
consequences, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are able to overcome the tension and circumstances and win the competition.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the tension could break them mentally and
physically
.
For instance
, once my friend decided to become a professional figure skater,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the overwhelming pressure of his mother to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his performance forced him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. This is the reason why it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
incredibly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Possible spelling mistake found.
ro
feel the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from parents.

Moreover
, professional sport requires a high physical stability,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
personal phobias and fears could interfere with it. One of them is the fear of the audience. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are not able to deal with his personal concern, he will not be able to represent a high quality performance.
Furthermore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of injuries, which pursue every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
, their whole
Possible spelling mistake found.
profesional
life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and beloved
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
could
In informal texts, 'to' is not necessary. Do you mean "help them find"?
help them to find
courage to fight.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
their children in dedicating their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to sport. It is a tough part, requiring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort and containing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
obstacles, which are too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to overcome under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
pressure.
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IELTS essay A lot of people who wanted to become professional athletes gave up this idea because of the fear of failure and parents' pressure. Do you think that parents should support their children who want to do a career in sports? Support your point of view with relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • A lot of people who wanted to become professional athletes gave up this idea because of the fear of failure and parents' pressure. Do you think that parents should support their children who want to do a career in sports? Support your point of view with relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.