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Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers shouldn't sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers shouldn't sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. nO9K
These days there are two main points of view about how young people should have to distribute their free time after school. While some people insist that they have to work to be more disciplined, others believe that teenagers have to be engaged in their own deals and not to waste their time for labor. I believe that part-time work shouldn’t be compulsory and young people should be free to make their own choices with regards to this question. To begin with, having a part-time job, teenagers could become overwhelmed and it could be hard for them to learn school material. The amount of time for homework preparation will be decreased. The learning capacity of young people is restricted, so such an approach could worsen their academic progress. Moreover, student’s are not able to do sophisticated jobs which require complex human skills, because of a lack of education. So, the proposed part-time job will not help young people to make a contribution in their future, this is the reason why it doesn’t make sense. On the contrary, after-school activities help young people to recharge their batteries and put their efforts into academic progress, which is more important to their future. After-school activities and relaxation could help young people to retreat from sensory overload of today’s hectic lifestyle. If teenagers work all day, they will not have enough time for recovery. Furthermore, there are no part-time job which could bring a huge wage for people without education and specific skills. In conclusion, I believe that part-time work has no benefits for teenagers, because such a job will interfere with the focus on academic progress which is more important for their future.
These days there are two main points of view about how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
distribute their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
after school. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
insist that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to be more disciplined, others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be engaged
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
deals and not to waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for labor. I believe that part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
shouldn’t be compulsory and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be free to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choices
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
this question.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, having a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
could become overwhelmed and it could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to learn school material. The amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for homework preparation will
be decreased
. The learning capacity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is restricted
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
such an approach could worsen their academic progress.
Moreover
,
Did you mean the plural instead of the possessive?
student’s
are not able to do sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which require complex human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a lack of education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the proposed part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a contribution in their future, this is the reason why it doesn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sense.

On the contrary
, after-school activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to recharge their batteries and put their efforts into academic progress, which is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to their future. After-school activities and relaxation could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to retreat from sensory overload of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s hectic lifestyle. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
all day, they will not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for recovery.
Furthermore
, there are no part-time
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "jobs"?
job
which could bring a huge wage for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without education and specific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusion
, I believe that part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
has no benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will interfere with the focus on academic progress which is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for their future.
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IELTS essay Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers shouldn't sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers shouldn't sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.