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A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time. v.1

A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time. v. 1
Auditoriums have essentially served the purpose of addressing and lecturing the students, many believe that learning should be done by using various gadgets and technology and interact with the lecturers online. In this essay, I would summarize why the public thinks this way and how I completely agree with it Even though, educating pupils in classrooms has been around for centuries, Majority of people including me are of the opinion that learning online is not only simple, but also quicker, Because student can access any lectures and notes wherever and whenever they feel like, Furthermore, they can study at their own pace and time. Similarly with the advent of internet reaching even distant areas of the world, It has revolutionized how people study, For example, Africa is a continent where traditional degrees are more expensive and people in general are below the poverty line, using the internet for teaching and studying is not only cost saving but also offers them the option to pursue courses and degrees from various countries of the world without having to leave their homeland. As mentioned above, online learning is advantageous, still, there are a few drawbacks, Firstly To study over the internet, people should always have a stable and reliable connection, secondly, the interaction between the students and teachers is almost non-existent. For example, If a student has any queries, he or she needs to wait until the professor comes online to clear their doubts. In conclusion, While internet based teaching has certain flaws, the advantages outweigh them, From, the ease of use to self paced understanding of the material, it clearly showcases a superiority over traditional auditorium based teaching. I think the government should create more campaigns and laws that make all classroom based teaching also be uploaded online, therefore making the these materials and lectures availabe at their fingertips
Auditoriums have
essentially
served the purpose of addressing and lecturing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that learning should
be done
by using various gadgets and technology and interact with the lecturers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. In this essay, I would summarize why the public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
this way and how I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
it


Even though
, educating pupils in classrooms has been around for centuries,
It seems that an article is missing.
Majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
including me are of the opinion that learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
simple,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
quicker,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can access any lectures and notes wherever and whenever they feel like,
Furthermore
, they can study at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pace and time.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
with the advent of internet reaching even distant areas of the world, It has revolutionized how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
study,
For example
, Africa is a continent where traditional degrees are more expensive and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in general
are below the poverty line, using the internet for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
and studying is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cost saving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
offers them the option to pursue courses and degrees from various countries of the world without having to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their homeland.

As mentioned above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
learning is advantageous,
still
, there are a few drawbacks,
Firstly


To study over the internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should always have a stable and reliable connection,
secondly
, the interaction between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and teachers is almost non-existent.
For example
, If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has any queries, he or she needs to wait until the professor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
their doubts.

In conclusion
, While internet based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
has certain flaws, the advantages outweigh them, From, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to self paced understanding of the material, it
clearly
showcases a superiority over traditional auditorium based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should create more campaigns and laws that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
all classroom based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
also
be uploaded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
,
therefore
making the these materials and lectures
Possible spelling mistake found.
availabe
at their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
fingertips
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
306 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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