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A high school plans to ask their students (aged 16-17) to choose an activity to do during the summer vacation between 11th and 12th grade. Which activity do you think is more beneficial. 1. Attend weeks of university-level courses (for example, a course rel v.2

A high school plans to ask their students (aged 16-17) to choose an activity to do during the summer vacation between 11th and 12th grade. Which activity do you think is more beneficial. 1. Attend weeks of university-level courses (for example, a course rel v. 2
During the summer, it is extremely important for students to well manage their schedule and attend activities that is more beneficial for them. Therefore, if a high school is planing to ask their students to choose an activity to do during the last summer vacation before they study in university, I think students should definitely choose to attend weeks of university-level courses. To begin with, students can have a better plan for their future when they attend pre-college courses. In fact, students can find out their strength and weakness and find out if they are actually interest in a specific subject. After doing this, students can plan for their future beforehand because they already have their own idea for their future. For example, a student might find out that instead of science, he actually has more passion in mathematic. Therefore, he can start spending more time on math rather than science. As a result, it can be really beneficial and more efficient for students. On the other hand, if students visit museums and historical place and then write a paper on it, they will not have the opportunity to learn about their future unless he or she is interest in art or history. Therefore, only attending pre-college courses can help students have a better future plan. Indeed, students should attend university-level courses during their summer vacation. In addition, if students attend pre-college courses, they can contact with more courses. To be more specific, high school require the most fundamental courses such as history, mathematic, or science. However, when student attend a pre-college courses, they can see some more specific categories. Take science as an example, in my country, high schools only teach the basic part of science, so it can be hard for students to have a deeper understanding. However, when they attend a pre-college courses, they can find out that science actually include many different categories, such as biology, chemistry, geology and even astronomy. These are the subjects that high school do not teach. As a result, it is extremely beneficial for students to attend university-level courses during their summer vacation. Last but not least, students can learn some extra information that is useful when they need to study in university. When students attend pre-college classes, they can learn not only about a specific courses, but also the skills that can help them do better in the future. For example, students can learn about the requirement of his or her dream school. This is a extremely information for students to learn, because they can prepare the requirement first such as GPA and the score of SAT or ACT. Indeed, by taking pre-college courses can help students learn some more extra information and successfully enter his or her dream school. Undoubtedly, some people may say that it is better to visit museums and historic places and then write a paper on it, because they can improve their writing skills while writing a paper. However, we are talking about the last summer vacation before study in university, so it is a great opportunity to join some pre-college courses. Besides, students can visit museums and historic places at any time, but their is only one chance to attend pre-college courses. To sum up, I think the best activity for students to do during their last summer vacation in high school is to attend university-level courses.
During the
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summer
, it is
extremely
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important
for
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students
to well manage their schedule and
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attend
activities
that is
more beneficial for them.
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, if a
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high
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school
is planing to ask their
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students
to choose an activity to do during the last
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summer
vacation
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before
they study in university, I
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think
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students
should definitely choose to
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attend
weeks of university-level courses.

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begin
with,
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students
can have a
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better
plan for their
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future
when they
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attend
pre-college
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courses
. In fact,
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students
can
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find
out their strength and weakness and
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find
out if they are actually interest in a
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specific
subject. After doing this,
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students
can plan for their
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beforehand
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because
they already have their
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own
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idea
for their
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future
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student
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find
out that
instead
of
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science
, he actually has more passion in mathematic.
Therefore
, he can
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start
spending more time on math
rather
than
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science
.
As a result
, it can be
really
beneficial and more efficient for
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students
.
On the other hand
, if
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students
visit museums and historical place and then write a paper on it, they will not have the opportunity to
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learn
about their
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future
unless he or she is
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interest
in art or history.
Therefore
,
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only
attending pre-college
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courses
can
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help
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students
have a
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better
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future
plan.
Indeed
,
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students
should
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attend
university-level
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courses
during their
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summer
vacation.

In addition
, if
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students
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attend
pre-college
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courses
, they can contact with more
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courses
. To be more
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specific
,
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high
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school
require the most fundamental
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courses
such as history, mathematic, or
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science
.
However
, when
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student
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "attends".
attend
a pre-college
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courses
, they can
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see
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some
more
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specific
categories. Take
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science
as an example, in my country,
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high
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schools
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only
teach the basic part of
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science
,
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so
it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
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students
to have a deeper understanding.
However
, when they
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attend
a pre-college
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "course"?
courses
, they can
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find
out that
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science
actually include
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many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
categories, such as biology, chemistry, geology and even astronomy. These are the subjects that
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high
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school
do not teach.
As a result
, it is
extremely
beneficial for
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students
to
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attend
university-level
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courses
during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
vacation.

Last
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but
not least,
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students
can
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learn
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some
extra information
that is
useful when they need to study in university. When
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students
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attend
pre-college classes, they can
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learn
not
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only
about a
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specific
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courses
,
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but
also
the
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skills
that can
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help
them do
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better
in the
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future
.
For example
,
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students
can
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learn
about the requirement of
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his or her
dream
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school
. This is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
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extremely information
for
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students
to
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learn
,
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because
they can prepare the requirement
first
such as GPA and the score of SAT or ACT.
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, by taking pre-college
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courses
can
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help
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students
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learn
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some
more extra information and
successfully
enter
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his or her
dream school.

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,
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some
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people
may say that it is
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better
to visit museums and historic places and then write a paper on it,
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because
they can
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improve
their writing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
while writing a paper.
However
, we are talking about the last
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summer
vacation
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before
study in university,
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so
it is a great opportunity to
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join
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some
pre-college
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courses
.
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,
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students
can visit museums and historic places at any time,
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but
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their
is
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only
one chance to
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attend
pre-college
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courses
. To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the best activity for
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students
to do during their last
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summer
vacation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
university-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
.
27Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
98Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay A high school plans to ask their students (aged 16-17) to choose an activity to do during the summer vacation between 11th and 12th grade. Which activity do you think is more beneficial. 1. Attend weeks of university-level courses (for example, a course rel v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
563 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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