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A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Both humans and animals are crucial for the environment however few believe that several researchers and general public is humiliating the poor creatures in order to satisfy their needs and state that they should have same rights as human beings. is the research conducted on animals is unnecessary? This debate is rather complex as we shall see in following paragraphs, To embark on, multiple detrimental diseases are discovered by health officials nowadays which needed to be addressed in a decent manner. the only possible way is to do experiment son the animals and find the cure of these harmful diseases such as cancer, diabetes and many other. In that case, it is acceptable to perform the invented medicine or injections on animals as it is required for human survival. Besides, eating these birds or animals are compromised to some extent as these are rich source of vital nutrients, for instance chicken and eggs, these are major in protein which is necessary for human body. On the other hand, multifarious sea and land creatures are killed while experiments and in 2015, The Times magazine published that these animals are used for cosmetics testing not to find the cures for the severe diseases which is not tolerable. Moreover, no doubt these creatures provides multiple benefits to build human body extremely strong but mankind should search for alternatives such as cheese which is advantageous as well. Majority of supporters of same rights as humans for animals, are vegan who do not eat or wear clothes or cosmetics which is made of animals or their involvement and often fight for their rights. In conclusion, I appeared to be in favour of equal rights for both human as well as creatures however, experiments should be allowed only if conducted to make the human life safer from health related issues not for beauty purposes.
Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are crucial for the environment
however
few believe that several researchers and
Consider using "public".
general public
is humiliating the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
in order to satisfy their needs and state that they should have same rights as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
is
the research conducted on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is unnecessary? This debate is
rather
complex as we shall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in following paragraphs, To embark on, multiple detrimental diseases
are discovered
by health officials nowadays which needed to
be addressed
Consider replacing "in a decent manner" with the adverb for "decent"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a decent manner
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible way is to do experiment son the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and find the cure of these harmful diseases such as cancer, diabetes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possibly, a noun is missing after 'other'. Or do you mean "others"?
other
.
In that case
, it is acceptable to perform the invented medicine or injections on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
as it
is required
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
survival.
Besides
, eating these birds or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are compromised
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent as these are rich source of vital nutrients,
for instance
chicken and eggs, these are major in protein which is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
body.

On the other hand
, multifarious sea and land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
are killed
while experiments and in 2015, The Times magazine published that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for cosmetics testing not to find the cures for the severe diseases which is not tolerable.
Moreover
, no doubt these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
provides multiple benefits to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
body
extremely
strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
mankind should search for alternatives such as cheese which is advantageous
as well
. Majority of supporters of same rights as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, are vegan who do not eat or wear clothes or cosmetics which
is made
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
or their involvement and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
fight for their rights.

In conclusion
, I appeared to be in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of equal rights for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
however
, experiments should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if conducted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
life safer from health related issues not for beauty purposes.
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IELTS essay A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
308 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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