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A general health of people is prone to decline in the coming years than at present

A general health of people is prone to decline in the coming years than at present gxwW3
A general health of people is prone to decline in the coming years than at present. I completely agree with this statement because of the following reasons. one of the significant reasons why peoples health is going to come under question is that the food people consume now a days is highly adulterated. though it is a well known fact that adulterated food causes diseases and diminishes the immune system, people continue to consume these harmful foods because there is no pure or organic food available. There are many incidences that we come across in our daily life about someone or the other keep getting sick because of consuming food which is of low standards. another reason to foretell that peoples health would decline in the future is that the increased comforts and luxury, of which people are really getting used to. comforts and luxury aids to reduce physical activity among people and thus no or minimal physical activity causes obesity. obesity has the lions share in causing array of diseases. perhaps every doctor suggests his patients to maintain a good weight because obesity is considered to be the origin of all diseases. however people, despite being aware of the consequences of obesity are reluctant to quit their sedentary life style. This makes it extremely clear that the continued sedentary would bring immense trouble to peoples health in the future. All in all, considering the afore mentioned reasons I believe I can register my agreement for the statement that peoples health is going to dwindle in the near future.
A general
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health
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is prone to decline in the coming years than at present. I completely
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agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the following reasons.

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one
of the significant reasons why
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peoples
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health
is going to
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come
under question is that the
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food
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people
consume
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
is
highly
adulterated.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
though
it is a well known fact that adulterated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
causes diseases and diminishes the immune system,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
continue to consume these harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no pure or organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
available. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
incidences that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across in our daily life about someone or the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
getting sick
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which is of low standards.

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another
reason to foretell that
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peoples
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
would decline in the future is that the increased comforts and luxury, of which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
really
getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to. comforts and luxury aids to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
physical activity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
thus
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
or minimal physical activity causes obesity.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
obesity
has the lions share in causing array of diseases.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
perhaps
every doctor suggests his patients to maintain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
weight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
obesity
is considered
to be the origin of all diseases.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, despite being aware of the consequences of obesity are reluctant to quit their sedentary life style. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the continued sedentary would bring immense trouble to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in the future.

All in all, considering the
Possible spelling mistake found.
afore
mentioned reasons I believe I can register my agreement for the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is going to dwindle in the near future.
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IELTS essay A general health of people is prone to decline in the coming years than at present

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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