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A friend has agreed to stay in your flat (apartment) and look after it while you are away. You want to give your friend some information about the flat. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter: Give information about the flatProvide any important in v.1

A friend has agreed to stay in your flat (apartment) and look after it while you are away. You want to give your friend some information about the flat. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter: Give information about the flatProvide any important in v. 1
It is argued that parents of fat children should be punished for making their children overweight. This essay agrees with the statement because of bad food habits and not encouraging them to play outdoor sports. The lack of good food practices taught by parents to their kids. Parents are not keeping track of the dietary habits this result in Children not eating healthy food, as most of the food they consume contains fatty acids which increase obesity, most of it is from the junk foods. For instance, parents take their kids to domino's, by which children are more addicted to the taste of pizzas, so they prefer having it all the time over other eatables. Secondly, parents don't encourage their children to play outdoor games. A child need to stay fit by doing some physical activity like playing football, cricket. While this is not made as their regular practice as it is not taught by their mother or father, due to which the kids become fat, as they are not exposed to physical activities. To exemplify, a recent survey has found that the children who play outside are seen to be more fit and less obese than those who play video games. The parents won't entertain their kids playing outside thinking it's not safe for their children. To conclude, parents are main reason for the more fat accumulating in their children. I would like to say parents should be punished for being irresponsible, because of which it is affecting their child's growth.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be punished
for making their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
overweight. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habits and not encouraging them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
outdoor sports.

The lack of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
practices taught by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are not keeping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of the dietary habits this result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
not eating healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, as most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
they consume contains fatty acids which increase obesity, most of it is from the junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to domino's, by which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more addicted to the taste of pizzas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they prefer having it all the time over other eatables.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
don't encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
outdoor games. A child need to stay fit by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical activity like playing football, cricket. While this is not made as their regular practice as it is not taught by their mother or father, due to which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, as they are not exposed to physical activities. To exemplify, a recent survey has found that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
outside are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to be more fit and less obese than those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
video games. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
won't entertain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
playing outside thinking it's not safe for their children.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are main reason for the more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
accumulating in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I would like to say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
be punished
for being irresponsible,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which it is affecting their child's growth.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay A friend has agreed to stay in your flat (apartment) and look after it while you are away. You want to give your friend some information about the flat. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter: Give information about the flatProvide any important in v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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