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A country where you would like to work for a short time Say where you would like to work What kind of job you would like to do When you would like to go And why you wish to work there

A country where you would like to work for a short time Say where you would like to work What kind of job you would like to do When you would like to go And why you wish to work there J1Ew
I have to confess that both my best friend Athira and I are persons full of wanderlust and together we have hatched a plan to work in foreign soil for a short while. As undergraduates, we used to dream about going overseas just to explore a new place, meet new people and experience a different culture. Of course we thought it would just be a pipe dream as both of us did not have the funds to travel overseas. However, we landed on the perfect solution, which is a Working holiday Visa. Hours of researching and googling revealed that many countries offer Working Holiday Visa programmes which allow us to apply to work and travel for upto one year and from among the different countries which offer this scheme, both of us zeroed in on New Zealand. . What makes this country a top work destination is the attractive work life balance. With the focus being on working to live, rather than living to work, there is more of a laid back approach. Work hours are not too high and expats are not overworked, yet the income that can be earned is on par with that of other countries. This means that we won’t be up to our neck in gruelling, backbreaking work and there would be plenty of time to enjoy as well as explore the stunning beauty of this country. New Zealand is famous for its diverse landscapes ranging from tropical beaches to mountain glaciers and the huge variety of outdoor activities we can do, makes it the adventure capital of the world. Another bonus of this country is that It is not difficult finding work, as there are plenty of temporary jobs for backpackers in the hospitality and tourism sectors as well as in the fruit orchards and vineyards. Of course, the most alluring aspect is that the Kiwis are known to be extremely warm, friendly and welcoming. and expats generally feel at home in this country. Athira and I hope to pack our bags and leave for this country in the not too distant future and we are sure this would not only be a life changing experience but also a steep learning curve for us.
I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
confess that both my best friend
Possible spelling mistake found.
Athira
and I are

persons full of wanderlust and together we have hatched a

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plan
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in foreign soil for a short while.

As undergraduates, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to dream about going overseas

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to explore a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
place,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and

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experience
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture. Of
The comma is probably missing here: "course, we".
course we
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thought
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
it


would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
be a pipe dream as both of us did not have the

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
funds
to travel overseas.
However
, we landed on the perfect

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
solution
, which is a Working holiday Visa.

Hours of researching and googling revealed that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many


countries offer Working Holiday Visa
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
which

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to apply to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and travel for
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
one year and

from among the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which offer this scheme,

both of us zeroed in on
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New
Zealand.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


What
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
this
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country
a top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
destination is the

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attractive
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance. With the focus being
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on


working to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
,
rather
than living to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, there is more of

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
laid back approach.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
hours are not too high
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
and


expats are not overworked,
yet
the income that can be

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earned
is on par with that of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
means


that we won’t be up to our neck in
Possible spelling mistake found.
gruelling
,

backbreaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and there would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of time

to enjoy
as well
as explore the stunning beauty of this

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
country
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Zealand is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for its diverse
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
landscapes


ranging from tropical beaches to mountain glaciers and the

huge variety of outdoor activities we can do,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it the

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adventure
capital of the world.

Another bonus of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is that It is not difficult finding

work, as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of temporary jobs for backpackers in the hospitality and tourism sectors
as well


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as
in the fruit orchards and vineyards.

Of course
, the most alluring aspect is that the Kiwis are

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
known
to be
extremely
warm, friendly and welcoming.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
expats
generally
feel at home in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Athira
and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
I


hope to pack our bags and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in the not

too distant
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
future and
we are sure this would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be

a life changing experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a steep learning curve

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for
us.
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IELTS essay A country where you would like to work for a short time Say where you would like to work What kind of job you would like to do When you would like to go And why you wish to work there

Essay
  American English
37 paragraphs
370 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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