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9. In the future, it seems it will be more difficult to live on the Earth. Some people think that more money should be spent on researching other planets to live, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

9. In the future, it seems it will be more difficult to live on the Earth. Some people think that more money should be spent on researching other planets to live, such as Mars. v. 1
Nowadays, it is obvious that people will not have enough space to live. The simple reason that during the booming population, it is to be more hard to escape on the Earth. Someone think that we must employ money to finding new planets to live. I completely agree with this opinion. On the one hand, it is clean that it will be more difficult to live on the Earth. The uncontrolled consumption of national resources, which are being depleted as a result. For example, the extraction of fossil fuels such as coal, gas and oil. It has mean that we will not enough fossil fuels to use after a hundred years. Moreover, the uncontrolled consumption of nation resources has a huge impact on environment. It means that environment will become pollution and people will face more diseases. air pollution is one of the most environment we must to face. For instance, thousands of tons’ industrial rubbish has been released illegally into river, killing aquatic life and contaminating drinking water. On the other hand, I would argue that the search for a new planet on which human could survive is a waste of valuable resources. Firstly, we need so much money to solve many problems over the world. Famine in undeveloped countries, people are died every day because they do not have any things to eat. Moreover, this money can help them improve their living standard and provide good health and education services for poor people. Secondly, we must use money to develop advanced technology. Finding of green energy projects is the example, we should use money to research renewable energy. In the field of transport, vehicles now be converted to run on hydrogen or even waste cooking oil – as McDonald’s have done with their trucks. In conclusion, I consider that the search for new planets is a good ideal. And we should pay money to do this.
Nowadays, it is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
space to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. The simple reason that during the booming population, it is to be more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to escape on the Earth. Someone
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "thinks".
think
that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
employ
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to finding new planets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion.

On the one hand, it is clean that it will be more difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on the Earth. The uncontrolled consumption of national resources, which are
being depleted
as a result
.
For example
, the extraction of fossil fuels such as coal, gas and oil. It has mean that we will not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
fossil fuels to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
after a hundred years.
Moreover
, the uncontrolled consumption of nation resources has a huge impact on environment. It means that environment will become pollution and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will face more diseases.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
air
pollution is one of the most environment we
After 'must', the verb is used without 'to'. Probably, you should use "must" or "have to" here.
must to
face.
For instance
, thousands of tons’ industrial rubbish has
been released
illegally
into river, killing aquatic life and contaminating drinking water.

On the other hand
, I would argue that the search for a new planet on which human could survive is a waste of valuable resources.
Firstly
, we need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems over the world. Famine in undeveloped countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
every day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have any things to eat.
Moreover
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their living standard and provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health and education services for poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Secondly
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to develop advanced technology. Finding of green energy projects is the example, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to research renewable energy. In the field of transport, vehicles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
be converted
to run on hydrogen or even waste cooking oil
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
as McDonald’s have done with their trucks.

In conclusion
, I consider that the search for new planets is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
ideal. And we should pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to do this.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay 9. In the future, it seems it will be more difficult to live on the Earth. Some people think that more money should be spent on researching other planets to live, such as Mars. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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