Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

7. Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion? To what extent do you support this development? v.1

7. Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion? v. 1
Nowadays, the majority of individuals marry and have babies in their thirties than at a younger age. This is a positive development as it allows the couples to develop a strong career and be financially stable. However, because of the concerns of an increasing number of infertility issues, I completely disagree with this development. Firstly, late marriage is beneficial to the individuals in many ways. One of the prominent benefits of the same is the ability to develop their career paths. Before marriage, people are generally free to explore different careers and because of having plenty of time, they can decide better about the career that they can pursue during the rest of their life. Secondly, late marriage allows an individual to be financially stable and abide by the responsibilities conferred by marriage more carefully. Marriage brings in new responsibilities and requires money for the fulfilment of those responsibilities. For instance, in a recent study by 'The Times", it has now been proven that people, who are married after their thirties, are better able to fulfil their responsibilities both financially and mentally. Thus we can say that late marriages are better than earlier ones. On the other hand, late marriages are proven harmful to the women. With the passage of time, the reproductive power of the women decreases. In a research by WHO, for instance, it has now been proven that the chances of a woman getting pregnant almost halves after attaining the age of thirty. Then what is the benefit of getting married if they cannot have children? This becomes a cause for disturbance in the family and sometimes leads to serious consequences of divorce. In conclusion, white, late marriages offer benefits of career and financial stability, due to the issue of infertility, I disagree with this development.
Nowadays, the majority of individuals marry and have babies in their thirties than at a younger age. This is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the couples to develop a strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and be
financially
stable.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the concerns of an increasing number of infertility issues, I completely disagree with this development.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
is beneficial to the individuals in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. One of the prominent benefits of the same is the ability to develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
paths.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
generally
free to explore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of time, they can decide better about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
that they can pursue during the rest of their life.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
an individual to be
financially
stable and abide by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
conferred by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
more
carefully
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Marriage
brings in new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
and requires money for the
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
.
For instance
, in a recent study by 'The Times
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
been proven
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who
are married
after their thirties, are better able to fulfil their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
both
financially
and mentally.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
we can say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriages
are better than earlier ones.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriages
are proven
harmful to the women. With the passage of time, the reproductive power of the women decreases. In
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
by
Did you mean "whom"?
WHO
,
for instance
, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
been proven
that the chances of a woman getting pregnant almost halves after attaining the age of thirty. Then what is the benefit of getting married if they cannot have children? This becomes a cause for disturbance in the family and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
leads to serious consequences of divorce.

In conclusion
, white,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriages
offer benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and financial stability, due to the issue of infertility, I disagree with this development.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay 7. Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts