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69. Describe a letter or poem or other piece of art that is important to you. Whywas it so important to you? Please include specific examples and details inyour statement. v.1

69. Describe a letter or poem or other piece of art that is important to you. Whywas it so important to you? Please include specific examples and details inyour statement. v. 1
It has been observed that children are less active and gaining weight these days. The major reasons are lack of physical activity and change in eating preferences. These problems can be overcome by developing healthy eating habits among children and incorporating regular sports activities. We have seen that youngsters are now involved in spending their leisure time playing games on computers and mobile phones. With no outdoor sports they are becoming lazy day by day. Similarly, our youngsters have their own eating preferences. According to the health survey by Malaysia’s Food Authority, it was reported that, half of the of the sampled population of teenagers preferred to eat fast food items in their meals. However, food experts suggest that excessive usage of inorganic food items and no physical activity slowdowns the metabolism system which results in gaining weight. To counter these issues, the prime responsibility lies with the parents. They should develop healthy eating habits and a proper schedule for sports activities. According to medical experts, regular exercise keeps the human body fit and brain active. A sports person has a strong immune system as compared to a non-sports person. Additionally, balanced diet is also essential to keep the human fit. Parents should consult nutritionist if necessary, as they can suggest tips to reduce weight along with proper diet plan and fitness schedule. To conclude, in today’s world we have a change in preferences among the kids. Unhealthy food items and no physical activity have created many health problems. The role of parents is essential to guide them to develop healthy routine including balanced diet and regular physical games
It has
been observed
that children are less active and gaining weight these days. The major reasons are lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
preferences. These problems can
be overcome
by developing healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits among children and incorporating regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities.

We have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that youngsters are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
involved in spending their leisure time playing games on computers and mobile phones. With no outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
they are becoming lazy day by day.
Similarly
, our youngsters have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
preferences. According to the health survey by Malaysia’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
Authority, it
was reported
that, half
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "of the".
of the of the
sampled population of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
preferred to eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items in their meals.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
experts suggest that excessive usage of inorganic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items and no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
slowdowns the metabolism system which results in gaining weight.

To counter these issues, the prime responsibility lies with the parents. They should develop healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits and a proper schedule for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. According to medical experts, regular exercise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the human body fit and brain active. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
person has a strong immune system as compared to a non-sports person.
Additionally
, balanced diet is
also
essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the human fit. Parents should consult nutritionist if necessary, as they can suggest tips to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
weight along with proper diet plan and fitness schedule.

To conclude
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world we have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in preferences among the kids. Unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items and no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
have created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health problems. The role of parents is essential to guide them to develop healthy routine including balanced diet and regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
games
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay 69. Describe a letter or poem or other piece of art that is important to you. Whywas it so important to you? Please include specific examples and details inyour statement. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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