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6. Convenient food should be banned. Do you agree or disagree?

6. Convenient food should be banned. 7JoYn
Nowadays, along with the development of economic-society, fast food is more and more popular but it also causes bad effects for health. Many people think that convenient food should be banned. As for me, I partly disagree with the opinion because fast food still has certain benefits. On the one hand, I agree that convenient food should be banned because of several reasons. The main disadvantage of fast food is unhealthy diet can cause various health problems. For example, if people ate too much food which had poor quality, they would easily lead to the increase of obesity, diabetes and heart disease. As a result, populations in developed countries are increasingly overweight. Another consequence is that governments must pay a lot of money for hospital and medical facilities to treat for those patient. On the other hand, convenient food should not be banned because it is also important in some ways. First of all, many people nowadays rely depend on fast food and pre-prepared meals. They are cheap to buy and very easy to prepare. Therefore, with some people who have a busy life, these foods are clearly convenient for them. Another reason, many companies have been founded by the growth of fast-food for many years. If governments did not allow them to sell any fast-food, it would lead to some serious drawbacks, such as the negative impact on national GDP or the rise of the unemployment rate. To sum up, unhealthy food affect people's health but they brings positive effects. I believe that they should not to be banned at store.
Nowadays, along with the development of economic-society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is more and more popular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
causes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects for health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
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convenient
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food
should be
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banned
. As for me, I partly disagree with the opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
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fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
still
has certain benefits.

On the one hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several reasons. The main disadvantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is unhealthy diet can cause various health problems.
For example
, if
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people
ate too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which had poor quality, they would
easily
lead to the increase of obesity, diabetes and heart disease.
As a result
, populations in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
are
increasingly
overweight. Another consequence is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money for hospital and medical facilities to treat for those patient.

On the other hand
,
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convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
should not be
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banned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays rely depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-prepared
meals. They are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy to prepare.
Therefore
, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have a busy life, these
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foods
are
clearly
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convenient
for them. Another reason,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have
been founded
by the growth of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to sell any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food, it would lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious drawbacks, such as the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on national GDP or the rise of the unemployment rate.

To sum up, unhealthy
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food
affect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "bring"
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects. I believe that they should not to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banned
at store.
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IELTS essay 6. Convenient food should be banned.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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