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Some people believe that it is important to spend a lot of money on family celebrations. Others says expensive celebrations are a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that it is important to spend a lot of money on family celebrations. Others says expensive celebrations are a waste of money. qLAbp
While some people hold the view that spending much money on family celebrations is very essential, others believe that it is just wasting the money. This essay will discuss both views and argue in favor of the former. On the one hand, many people claim that spending money for some family events cause financial problems. In other words, celebrating weddings and birthday parties affects badly to the family budget. Moreover, such kind of celebrations not only destroy the budget but also affect the poor who cannot afford celebrating important days. It means that if poor people attend such events they also want to celebrate their birthdays or weddings which may require much more money. On the other hand, spending money on celebrations can strengthen family relationships. Gathering close relatives in one place and celebrating some important dates can make relations of relatives much more closer than before. Furthermore, having parties for special dates remind us past years as well as making them unforgettable days. Also, in my opinion, if people celebrate such events, they can enjoy their time and have a fun with close people which may increase their mood and create closer friendly atmosphere. Therefore, I believe that spending as much money as you can on birthdays and wedding ceremonies is not waste of money as it can have positive effects on your relationships and mood as well. In conclusion, although spending money for celebrating the important dates may cause some financial problems, I believe that it is not waste of money as such kind of events make our relationships more strong.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
celebrations is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential, others believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
wasting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. This essay will discuss both views and argue in favor of the former.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
cause financial problems.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrating
weddings and birthday parties affects
badly
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
budget.
Moreover
, such kind of celebrations not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the budget
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
affect the poor who cannot afford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
days. It means that if poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attend such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
they
also
want to celebrate their birthdays or weddings which may require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more money.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on celebrations can strengthen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationships. Gathering close relatives in one place and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
dates can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
relations of relatives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
Use only "closer" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more closer
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Furthermore
, having parties for special dates remind us past years
as well
as making them unforgettable days.
Also
, in my opinion, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
celebrate such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, they can enjoy their time and have a fun with close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which may increase their mood and create closer friendly atmosphere.
Therefore
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as you can on birthdays and wedding ceremonies is not waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as it can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on your relationships and mood
as well
.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrating
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
dates may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
financial problems, I believe that it is not waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our relationships more strong.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that it is important to spend a lot of money on family celebrations. Others says expensive celebrations are a waste of money.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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