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Societes are facing a growing problem with obesity. How could it be trackled?

Societes are facing a growing problem with obesity. How could it be trackled? BlNoV
Obesity becomes a serious health problem on the whole world nowadays. People especially, children are facing this disease in modern life. There are plenty of reasons, how obesity is popularizing day by day. If there is a problem, there should be a solution too. In this essay, it will be discussed reasons of obesity and how we can get over this disease. At first, one of the most popular reason of obesity is junk food. People eat unhealthy food a lot in their daily life. They go to the supermarket and purchase prepared meal, bakery, sweets, the other foodstuffs which there are a lot of hazardous ingredients inside them, like high salt, sugar, fat, chemicals etc. , due to people do not have any time to cook something at home. The solution is humans ought to learn to eat healthy food, like fruits, vegetables, fish etc. I consider they do not have more knowledge about healthy food. If people knew damages of junk food and benefits of healthy food, they would be more careful when they eat something. However, there are more harmed food than unharmed food and they are advertised well enough. The government has to do something about that, maybe increasing the taxes of junk food is a good solution of this problem. On the other hand, second of the most popular reason of obesity is inactivity and the modern life becomes lazier. Majority of people is sitting in front of the computer because of work or entertainment and children is surfing on the internet all day long. These facts cause either obesity or heart attack. Humans prefer using personal vehicles or transport for going somewhere instead of walking. The solution is being activity a lot obviously. People ought to start doing sports like jogging, running, swimming, cycling etc. and children are directed to other social activities. It depends on only themselves. To sum up, people ought to fight against obesity. Because of, this disease may have a lot of other complications and become a dangerous health problem for future. There is no more important thing than health.
Obesity becomes a serious health problem
on the whole
world nowadays.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
especially
, children are facing this disease in modern life. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, how obesity is popularizing day by day. If there is a problem, there should be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
too. In this essay, it will
be discussed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
of obesity and how we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
over this disease.

At
first
, one of the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
of obesity is junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
eat unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
in their daily life. They go to the supermarket and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
prepared meal, bakery, sweets, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
foodstuffs which there are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of hazardous ingredients inside them, like high salt, sugar,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, chemicals etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have any time to cook something at home. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
is humans ought to learn to eat healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, like fruits, vegetables, fish etc. I consider they do not have more knowledge about healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
knew damages of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and benefits of healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, they would be more careful when they eat something.
However
, there are more harmed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
than unharmed
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
food and
they
are advertised
well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
do something about that, maybe increasing the taxes of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
of this problem.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, second of the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
of obesity is inactivity and the modern life becomes lazier. Majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is sitting in front of the computer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of work or entertainment and children is surfing on the internet all day long. These facts cause either obesity or heart attack. Humans prefer using personal vehicles or transport for going somewhere
instead
of walking. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
is being activity a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
obviously
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
ought to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
doing sports like jogging, running, swimming, cycling etc. and children
are directed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
social activities. It depends on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
themselves.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
ought to fight against obesity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of, this disease may have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
complications and become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
health problem for future. There is no more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing than health.
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IELTS essay Societes are facing a growing problem with obesity. How could it be trackled?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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