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54) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? One should never judge a person by external appearances. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v.2

54) One should never judge a person by external appearances. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 2
First contact is the most influential contact and in the first contact the first judgment would be on the appearance. Some people tend to respect other people based on their exterior look while others do not maintain it as an apt criteria for assessing other people. Although the appearance of a person shows the personality of him/her to somehow but in my point of view, it is not people’s choice so they should not be judged based on that. Everyone inherits some characteristics from his/her parent including appearance characteristics like a beautiful or an ugly face or being tall or short, etc. And no one has chosen to be born in which family. Thus most parts of our appearance are not our choice. Therefor we have no right to rate people based on their outward features. Moreover is the impact of the environment. People’s appearance like other specifications would be affected by the environment in which they have been born, raised and lived. As mentioned above, people do not choose where to be born and also where to be grown up. Besides, because of some financial limitations most of people cannot choose freely the place they live or they have not many opportunities for their career. So we could say that the environment also is not a choice for most of people. For example a person who have grown up in a poor family and have not the chance to go to university and in adulthood will become a factory worker, have not chosen most part of his life path. So comparing a worker based on his clothing _for instance_ with a successful manager _with luxury clothes_ is not fair. To sum it up, I believe most of the outward appearances are not our choice so people must not be judged based on that.
First
contact is the most influential contact and in the
first
contact the
first
judgment would be on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to respect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
based on their exterior look while others do not maintain it as an apt
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "criterion"?
criteria
for assessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
of a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the personality of him/her to somehow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my point of view, it is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should not
be judged
based on that.

Everyone inherits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
characteristics from his/her parent including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
characteristics like a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
or an ugly face or being tall or short, etc. And no one has chosen to
be born
in which family.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
most parts of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
are not our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
. Therefor we have no right to rate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
based on their outward features.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
is the impact of the environment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
specifications would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the environment in which they have
been born
, raised and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
. As mentioned above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not choose where to
be born
and
also
where to
be grown
up.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
financial limitations most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot choose
freely
the place they
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
live or
they have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities for their career.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we could say that the environment
also
is not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
for most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
a person who have grown up in a poor family and have not the chance to go to university and in adulthood will become a factory worker, have not chosen most part of his life path.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
comparing a worker based on his clothing _for instance_ with a successful manager _with luxury clothes_ is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
.

To sum it up, I believe most of the outward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearances
are not our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
be judged
based on that.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 54) One should never judge a person by external appearances. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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