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41. Today, more and more people consume sugar based drinks, which are bad for their health. Why is this the case? How to solve this problem?

41. Today, more and more people consume sugar based drinks, which are bad for their health. Why is this the case? How to solve this problem? MBkA6
Nowadays, more and more people drink sweet drinks, and numerous store sell it for all age customer: children, teenagers, adults, and more. However, the benefits of these drinks are giving extra energy, while harmful to people's bodies too. Government should rise the price of sugar drinks to fix this problem. To begin with, citizen prefer to drink sugar drinks for having extra energy. Most people always desire energy for working, studying, competing, and more. These kind of drinks provide them fresh and energy. For example, many athletes in Thailand usually drink sweet drinks before competition for having energetic and less exited. Therefore, sugar drinks is important for people to have more energy. However, the government should increase the price of sugar drinks for reduce the problem health. Increasing price of sugar drinks in stores and restaurants can reduce the number of buying sweet drinks in many countries, such as Thailand, Indonesia, and more. Therefore, the government have a huge responsibility to reduce the number of people drink sweet drinks. All in all, The sugar drinks have the advantage and the disadvantage in people's life. If we do not have any kind of sweet thing, we will have less choice for eating.
Nowadays, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sweet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
, and numerous store sell it for all age customer: children,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, adults, and more.
However
, the benefits of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
are giving extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
, while harmful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's bodies too.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should rise the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
this problem.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, citizen prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
for having extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always desire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
for working, studying, competing, and more.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
provide them fresh and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
athletes in Thailand
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sweet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
competition for having energetic and less exited.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have more energy.

However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should increase the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the problem health. Increasing price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
in stores and restaurants can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sweet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, such as Thailand, Indonesia, and more.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
have a huge responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sweet
drinks.

All in all, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
have the advantage and the disadvantage in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life. If we do not have any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sweet
thing, we will have less choice for eating.
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IELTS essay 41. Today, more and more people consume sugar based drinks, which are bad for their health. Why is this the case? How to solve this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
201 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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