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41. Choose one of your favorite methods to relax and explain why it is yourfavorite. Please include specific details in your explanation v.1

41. Choose one of your favorite methods to relax and explain why it is yourfavorite. Please include specific details in your explanation v. 1
Some people argue that we no longer remember the original meaning of festivals, and that most of us treat them as opportunities to have fun. While I agree that enjoyment seems to be the priority during festival times, I do not agree that people have forgotten what these festivals mean. On the one hand, religious and traditional festivals have certainly become times for celebration. In the UK, Christmas is a good example of a festival period when people are most concerned with shopping, giving and receiving presents, decorating their homes and enjoying traditional meals with their families. Most people look forward to Christmas as a holiday period, rather than a time to practise religion. Similar behaviour can be seen during non-religious festivals, such as Bonfire Night. People associate this occasion with making fires, watching firework displays, and perhaps going to large events in local parks; in other words, enjoyment is people’s primary goal. However, I disagree with the idea that the underlying meaning of such festivals has been forgotten. In UK primary schools, children learn in detail about the religious reasons for celebrating Christmas, Easter and a variety of festivals in other religions. For example, in late December, children sing Christmas songs which have a religious content, and they may even perform nativity plays telling the story of Jesus’ birth. Families also play a role in passing knowledge of religious festivals’ deeper significance on to the next generation. The same is true for festivals that have a historical background, such as Bonfire Night or Halloween, in the sense that people generally learn the stories behind these occasions at an early age. In conclusion, although people mainly want to enjoy themselves during festivals, I believe that they are still aware of the reasons for these celebrations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that we no longer remember the original meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
, and that most of us treat them as opportunities to have fun. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that enjoyment seems to be the priority during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
times, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have forgotten what these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
mean.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
and traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
have
certainly
become times for celebration. In the UK, Christmas is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
period when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are most concerned with shopping, giving and receiving presents, decorating their homes and enjoying traditional meals with their families. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
look forward to Christmas as a holiday period,
rather
than a time to
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
religion. Similar
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
during non-religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
, such as Bonfire Night.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
associate this occasion with making fires, watching firework displays, and perhaps going to large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in local parks;
in other words
, enjoyment is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
primary goal.

However
, I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the underlying meaning of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
has
been forgotten
. In UK primary schools, children learn in detail about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
reasons for celebrating Christmas, Easter and a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
in other religions.
For example
, in late December, children sing Christmas songs which have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
content, and they may even perform nativity
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "goes telling".
plays telling
the story of Jesus’ birth. Families
also
play a role in passing knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals’
deeper significance on to the
next
generation. The same is true for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
that have a historical background, such as Bonfire Night or Halloween, in the sense that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
generally
learn the stories behind these occasions at an early age.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mainly
want to enjoy themselves during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
, I believe that they are
still
aware of the reasons for these celebrations.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay 41. Choose one of your favorite methods to relax and explain why it is yourfavorite. Please include specific details in your explanation v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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