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3. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child’s success in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

3. Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child’s success in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Nowadays, there is a colossal upsurge in the level of stress encountered in the contemporary life when matched with the medieval times. This has led to a rise in ailments associated with distress. Whilst, there are ways to bring this under control, I think non contentment on the part of the younger generation as well as bad governance is the major reason for this. To begin with, the prime cause of anxiety is the lack of contentment and non functional government. Individuals, especially the youths want to get rich overnight. They are not ready to start small the way it is done during the olden days. In fact, those termed as average rich are not contented and still engage in activities that will fetch more money. This get rich syndrome is evident in a research by the Lagos University Teaching Hospital to unravel the mystery behind the high rate of hypertension in youths. The result shows that, young individuals engage in other personal businesses asides their paid employment in order to augment their salary. As a result, they rarely have time to relax, which has a negative effect on their health. Additionally, the government has also played a role in increasing the level of nervousness in its citizens. The taxes remitted to the nation are not judiciously used. The populace lack sound sleep because of late arrival from work and rising early to work in order to boycott traffic gridlocks caused by bad roads not properly maintained by the government. Overall, inefficient government and the need to make more money is a major cause of stress in the younger generation. This menace can be curbed by unwinding and the provision of good road networks by the government. Modern generation should endeavour to relax more often to purify their minds and be relieved of tension. A research was carried out by the World Health Organization on how to reduce stress related illness and the result shows that relaxation is Paramount to mental well being. Furthermore, the government can help reduce anxiety level. This can be done by ensuring the optimum use of the nation's resources by providing basic amenities like good roads. Consequently, lesser hours will be spent in traffic which will help ease off the stress. In all, mental repose and good road networks will subdue stress related complaint. In conclusion, while there are various causes of sickness associated with stress, regular relaxation as well as the provision of better road for ease of movement will help eradicate the problem.
Nowadays, there is a colossal upsurge in the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
encountered in the contemporary life when matched with the medieval times. This has led to a rise in ailments associated with distress. Whilst, there are ways to bring this under control, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
non contentment on the part of the younger generation
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
governance is the major reason for this.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the prime cause of anxiety is the lack of contentment and
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non functional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. Individuals,
especially
the youths want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rich overnight. They are not ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
the way it
is done
during the olden days. In fact, those termed as average rich are not contented and
still
engage in activities that will fetch more money. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rich syndrome is evident in
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
by the Lagos University Teaching Hospital to unravel the mystery behind the high rate of hypertension in youths. The result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that, young individuals engage in other personal businesses asides their paid employment in order to augment their salary.
As a result
, they rarely have time to relax, which has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on their health.
Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has
also
played a role in increasing the level of nervousness in its citizens. The taxes remitted to the nation are not
judiciously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
. The populace lack sound sleep
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of late arrival from work and rising early to work in order to boycott traffic gridlocks caused by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
not
properly
maintained by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
Overall
, inefficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and the need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more money is a major cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
in the younger generation.

This menace can
be curbed
by unwinding and the provision of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
networks by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. Modern generation should
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
to relax more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
to purify their minds and
be relieved
of tension.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
was carried
out by the World Health Organization on how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
related illness and the result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that relaxation is Paramount to mental
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
anxiety level. This can
be done
by ensuring the optimum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the nation's resources by providing basic amenities like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
.
Consequently
, lesser hours will
be spent
in traffic which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
off the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. In all, mental repose and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
networks will subdue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
related complaint.

In conclusion
, while there are various causes of sickness associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
, regular relaxation
as well
as the provision of better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of movement will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
eradicate the problem.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay 3. Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child’s success in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
420 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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