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28/10/2017Some people think that a car is the best way to travel in cities while others believe a bicycle is a better way. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

28/10/2017Some people think that a car is the best way to travel in cities while others believe a bicycle is a better way. v. 1
Subjects like mathematics and philosophy are believed to have posed a considerable amount of challenge in students' learning and thus, to some people, they should be made optional. Although I'm quite certain that these subjects are tough, I still incline to the idea that all subjects are equally essential and hence, compulsory. The fact that some highly-thinking required subjects, mathematics for instance, are proposed to be made non-mandatory lies on their time spent and their usefulness. Since most of the insights are thought to be intricate, they demand so much of the students' cognitive dedication and more of their time to have them solved. This apparently leads to the situation where less time can be shared on other important subjects. Besides, it is very annoying that none of these abstract concepts acquired from these lessons can be put into real life practices. To most people, there is no such thing as applying trigonometric functions or differentiation into producing a tuna, or even coming up with a statistic on excel. Therefore, it is adequately understood why some people wouldn't like to take these subjects and feel that it is better to opt it out from the syllabus Since most people are blindfolded with the complexity of these subjects, hardly do they think of why such subjects are included. The actual purpose of making subjects like mathematics and philosophy a must is that is sharpens students logical thinking and organisations of idea. According to experts, students of such fields are anticipated to tackle their problems more rapidly and effectively for they have a laundry list of what to do and when to do. Additionally, such benefits play significantly on the learners' knowledge acquisition speed which means they tend to take in a new lesson much faster compared to those without any logical thinking. In summary, as the advantages of highly cognitive subjects are vague, people only view their downsides, and therefore want to crop them out of the syllabus. To me, these subjects, just like others, should remain compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Subjects
like mathematics and philosophy
are believed
to have posed a considerable amount of challenge in students' learning and
thus
, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they should
be made
optional. Although I'm quite certain that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are tough, I
still
incline to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
equally
essential and
hence
, compulsory.

The fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
highly
-thinking required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, mathematics
for instance
,
are proposed
to
be made
non-mandatory lies on their time spent and their usefulness. Since most of the insights are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be intricate, they demand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much of the students' cognitive dedication and more of their time to have them solved. This
apparently
leads to the situation where less time can
be shared
on other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
Besides
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
annoying that none of these abstract concepts acquired from these lessons can
be put
into real life practices. To most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, there is no such thing as applying trigonometric functions or differentiation into producing a tuna, or even coming up with a statistic on excel.
Therefore
, it is
adequately
understood why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wouldn't like to take these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and feel that it is better to opt it out from the syllabus

Since most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are blindfolded
with the complexity of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, hardly do they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of why such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are included
. The actual purpose of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like mathematics and philosophy a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
is
that is
sharpens students logical thinking and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. According to experts, students of such fields
are anticipated
to tackle their problems more
rapidly
and
effectively
for they have a laundry list of what to do and when to do.
Additionally
, such benefits play
significantly
on the learners' knowledge acquisition speed which means they tend to take in a new lesson much faster compared to those without any logical thinking.

In summary, as the advantages of
highly
cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are vague,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
view their downsides, and
therefore
want to crop them out of the syllabus. To me, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like others, should remain
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
compulsory
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 28/10/2017Some people think that a car is the best way to travel in cities while others believe a bicycle is a better way. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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