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2679 who do you think western doctors are more reticent to prescribe medicines than their asian counterparts? v.1

2679 who do you think western doctors are more reticent to prescribe medicines than their asian counterparts? v. 1
Unprecedented consumption of packaged food is gaining momentum as people are more likely to intake this food over the homemade dishes. While this practice offers the advantage of providing free time to utilise on other works, I believe that consuming fast food has a detrimental effect on consumer's health The main advantage of eating convenience food is the availability of spare time to complete other works. Gone are the days, when people had to cook their meals for eating during breaks. Individuals, nowadays, can purchase food from eating joints- available at the each corner of every street- instead of relying on their homemade food. Thanks to this, everyone, now, has plenty of free time to devote to other works or leisure activities: sleeping for long hours, giving proper time to their children or making an assignment. A recent research by WHO revealed that an average person, especially females, are saving around an hour to take care of their wards by not making food for the lunch breaks and purchasing from cafeterias. Despite rendering free time, packaged foods adversely affect the health of individuals. Most of the packaged foods are prepared using high amounts of preservatives to lengthen their quality and several synthetic chemicals- glutamines- are used to enhance the taste of fast foods. Although it appears to be more delicious than homemade food, nutritious values of such foods are almost lost while cooking. Therefore, consumption of heavily contaminated food left individuals fall prey to several diseases, such as obesity, high blood pressure and cardiovascular problems. In England, for example, it has been found that 70 percent of office goers are overweight, given the high proportion of their daily intake consists packaged food, which deteriorate their health. In conclusion, while consuming ready to eat food can make an individual get rid of a painstaking task of cooking, I believe that consumption of such foods has ill-effects on the health of individuals. Ergo, one should adopt to homemade food in order to bypass several life-threatening diseases.
Unprecedented consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is gaining momentum as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more likely to intake this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homemade
dishes. While this practice offers the advantage of providing free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
on other works, I believe that consuming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has a detrimental effect on consumer's
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
health


The main advantage of eating convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the availability of spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to complete other works. Gone
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
the days, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had to cook their meals for eating during breaks.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individuals
, nowadays, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from eating joints- available at
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "each" is left.
the each
corner of every street-
instead
of relying on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homemade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Thanks to this, everyone,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to devote to other works or leisure activities: sleeping for long hours, giving proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their children or making an assignment. A recent research by WHO revealed that an average person,
especially
females, are saving around an hour to take care of their wards by not making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for the lunch breaks and purchasing from cafeterias.

Despite rendering free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
adversely
affect the health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are prepared
using high amounts of preservatives to lengthen their quality and several synthetic chemicals-
Possible spelling mistake found.
glutamines
- are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to enhance the taste of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. Although it appears to be more delicious than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homemade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, nutritious values of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are almost lost while cooking.
Therefore
, consumption of
heavily
contaminated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
fall prey to several diseases, such as obesity, high blood pressure and cardiovascular problems. In England,
for example
, it has
been found
that 70 percent of office goers are overweight,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the high proportion of their daily intake consists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, which deteriorate their health.

In conclusion
, while consuming ready to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of a painstaking task of cooking, I believe that consumption of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
has ill-effects on the health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. Ergo, one should
Did you mean "adapt to"?
adopt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homemade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in order to bypass several life-threatening diseases.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay 2679 who do you think western doctors are more reticent to prescribe medicines than their asian counterparts? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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