Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

23. Should education and health care be free of charge and funded by governments or should it be responsible of the people for these service. Discuss with the example. v.5

23. Should education and health care be free of charge and funded by governments or should it be responsible of the people for these service. Discuss with the example. v. 5
Education and health care are two of the local citizens's survival factors in societies and the charge to assess them varies in terms of local governments. Some people advocate that governments should be responsible for funding them completely; while, others insist that it is people's personal tasks.  The essay will discuss both views and presents my personal opinion as well. To begin with, universal health care and education coverage will enhance the local residents' happiness for which they are more  willing to contribute themselves to their nations.  As a result, nations will become more powerful and competitive because of their strong and well-educated citizens. For example, Bhutan is one of the small Asian countries with free access to these two services since its beginning for which it has become one of the countries with highest National Happiness Index and the strongest military force. Free access to these services will provide a harmonious environment for residents to grow and raise their families. However, people who are again the universal coverage of health care and education believe that these services will increase chances for patients or health care professionals to abuse the systems if they do not strictly follow guidelines. Moreover, if patients or university students are required to pay fees partially or totally, they may have access to these two services more rationally. For instance, in Canada, the waiting time for patients in the ER are extremely long because this service is free. If Canadians are required to pay this fee partially in the ER,  they may feel hesitate and only severe sick patients are willing to visit the ER. As a result,   private healthcare and education will reduce government's financial burden and taxpayers' as well. In conclusion,   people who support universal health care and education coverage or not have individual above reasons.  Free health care and education definitely make ordinary residents happier and less stressful by eliminating the financial burden of medical bills and education tuition. However, in order to maintain these two services's qualities, clients should have access to them properly or they will collapse and local citizens will suffer.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
are two of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
Did you mean "citizen's" or "citizens'"?
citizens's
survival factors in societies and the charge to assess them varies in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advocate that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should be responsible for funding them completely; while, others insist that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's personal tasks.  The essay will discuss both views and presents my personal opinion
as well
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, universal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
coverage will enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents' happiness for which they are more
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
willing to contribute themselves to their nations.  
As a result
, nations will become more powerful and competitive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their strong and well-educated citizens.
For example
, Bhutan is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
Asian countries with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to these two services since its beginning for which it has become one of the countries with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
National Happiness Index and the strongest military force.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
will provide a harmonious environment for residents to grow and raise their families.

However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are again the universal coverage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
will increase chances for patients or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
professionals to abuse the systems if they do not
strictly
follow guidelines.
Moreover
, if patients or university students
are required
to pay fees
partially
or
totally
, they may have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
more
rationally
.
For instance
, in Canada, the waiting time for patients in the ER are
extremely
long
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
. If Canadians
are required
to pay this fee
partially
in the ER,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
they may feel hesitate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
severe sick patients are willing to visit the ER.
As a result
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
private healthcare and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's financial burden and taxpayers' 
as well
.

In conclusion
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who support universal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
coverage or not have individual above reasons.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
 Free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
 ordinary residents happier and less stressful by eliminating the financial burden of medical bills and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
tuition.
However
, in order to maintain these two
Did you mean "service's" or "services'"?
services's
qualities, clients should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to them
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
properly or
they will collapse and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
citizens will suffer.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay 23. Should education and health care be free of charge and funded by governments or should it be responsible of the people for these service. Discuss with the example. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts