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2 year ago, Samsung declared that their repair service can be provided in the every corner of India. They choose to deliver this news by story telling on social media. Thus, they make the following video and posted it on YOUTUBE.

2 year ago, Samsung declared that their repair service can be provided in the every corner of India. They choose to deliver this news by story telling on social media. Thus, they make the following video and posted it on YOUTUBE. xmxm9
Samsung is specially known for android phone, however it also manufactures TVs, tablets, smartwatches, virtual reality headsets, home theater and audio, desktop computers, laptops, monitors, printers, memory devices, home appliances and security/monitoring systems. With this wide range of products sold all over India and worldwide, they have to provide repair service. Hence, they start providing repair service all over the India even if it hills area, villages or any other area. Providing a repair facility by a company in every corner of country is a great achievement, although company have to advertise it, so people should know about this service. Samsung came up with idea of telling a unique story which just so heart melting and emotional. To make it more emotional they choose orphanage as their clients and that orphanage include children with disabilities and twist at the end. About the story - In the story, someone call to Samsung customer care about the problem they were facing with Samsung tv and they were requesting to fix it before evening because of some particular reason. Through that was a hill region, technician reached there and fixed the tv just few minutes before they want to. then that lady rings a bell and call children to come over. At that time audience realize that place was actually an orphanage with disable children and everyone was waiting for a singing show because one girl from that orphanage went to that show for singing competition and they all want to listen her performance. Samsung tried to show that their service and products will never let you down. Impact - After this story came out in market Samsung just hit the India digital market because electronic device somehow need repair at a certain time in life and Samsung became the first origination that provide repair customer service in every part of country. It shows the major impact when people found an emotional attachment with this story. User targeted – Samsung targeted each and every person that own a Samsung product in any region of nation because they know that electronic device get disturbed even with small mis happenings.
Samsung is
specially
known for android phone,
however
it
also
manufactures TVs, tablets, smartwatches, virtual reality headsets, home theater and audio, desktop computers, laptops, monitors, printers, memory devices, home appliances and security/monitoring systems. With this wide range of products sold all over India and worldwide, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
repair
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
.
Hence
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
repair
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
all over the India even if
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'it'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
it hills
area, villages or any other area.

Providing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
repair
facility by a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in every corner of country is a great achievement, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
advertise it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should know about this service.

Samsung came up with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of telling a unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
heart melting and emotional. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more emotional they choose orphanage as their clients and
The verb 'include' is plural. Did you mean: "that orphanage includes"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
that orphanage include
children with disabilities and twist at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

About the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-


In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
, someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "calls", "called".
call
to Samsung customer care about the problem they were facing with Samsung
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
tv and
they were requesting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
evening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular reason. Through that was a hill region, technician reached there and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
few minutes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they want to. then that lady rings a bell and call children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
over. At that time audience realize that place was actually an orphanage with disable children and everyone was waiting for a singing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
one girl from that orphanage went to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
for singing
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
competition and
they all want to listen her performance. Samsung tried to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
and products will never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
you down.

Impact -

After this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
came out in market Samsung
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
hit the India digital market
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
electronic device somehow need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
repair
at a certain time in life and Samsung became the
first
origination that provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
repair
customer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
in every part of country. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
the major impact when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
found an emotional attachment with this story.

User targeted
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–


Samsung targeted each and every person that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a Samsung product in any region of nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know that electronic device
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
disturbed even with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
Possible spelling mistake found.
mis
happenings.
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IELTS essay 2 year ago, Samsung declared that their repair service can be provided in the every corner of India. They choose to deliver this news by story telling on social media. Thus, they make the following video and posted it on YOUTUBE.

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
355 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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