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12.Obesity is a concerning problems in developed countries and big cities in developing countries . What are the causes of this ? Suggest some possible solutions ?

12. Obesity is a concerning problems in developed countries and big cities in developing countries. What are the causes of this? Suggest some possible solutions? APKjn
Obesity is a concerning problems in developed countries and big cities in developing countries. Every year, although there are many seminars on this issue, they are still not really effective. So from my point of view, I will give some reasons as well as solutions for the above problem. Firstly, caused by improper-eating diet. Diet is the leading factor which directly influence our weight and health. People who have meal with a variety of high-energy food, fast food or gas drink will lead to excess energy and gradually become overweight. Eating fast food but not eating vegetables and fruits makes it easier to become obese. This problem becomes more complicated because young people today are busy, their first and only choice is fast food restaurants. But nowadays systems of fast food’s store is developing, it is not worth mentioning if the product quality is too poor, the food is too high in fat, sugar and calories. Sitting still for a long time to work and eat a lot of fast food makes it easier than ever to become obese. Moreover, it caused from frequent stress. You may not know yet, but stress and anxiety are also one of the “culprits” causing overweight and obesity. According to some researches, on the same-energy diet, people who are anxious and depressed are twice likely to become obese as happy or optimistic people. Last but not least, because of the busy pace of life, many young people don’t have enough time to participate in sports and outdoor activities. Eating foods high in fat, along with not exercising, is also a reason for obesity. Now, I’ll give you some possible solutions to this problem. First of all, control the amount of food you eat. Plan to have a diet contain healthy food like vegetables, lean, chicken breast, …. . and eat more fruits. Eat less fried food, chips and hamburgers. It is best to have a reasonable diet and limit the amount of foods with high fat and sugar components. Not only that, parents should spend more time cooking and making handmade food which are fresh and ensure food safety for our children. If they fed up with it, take time to make new eat clean recipes for them. Furthemore, we must arrange reasonable time between studying and participating in sports. It helps us lose weight, be more active and make me healthier and happier. Anyway to the next point, on the problem of obesity because of stress, control the diet strictly during the times of depression and don’t let the stress go on. In short, each person have to aware about the food we eat and have reasonable diet. Must avoid eating junk food indiscriminately which lead to obesity and peolple should exercise regularly to keep the body in balance.
Obesity is a concerning
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problems
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
. Every year, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
seminars on this issue, they are
still
not
really
effective.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
from my point of view, I will give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons
as well
as solutions for the above problem.

Firstly
, caused by improper-eating diet. Diet is the leading factor which
directly
influence our weight and health.
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People
who have meal with a variety of high-energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or gas drink will lead to excess energy and
gradually
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become
overweight.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
vegetables and fruits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
it easier to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
obese. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
more complicated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
young
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are busy, their
first
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
choice is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nowadays systems of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food’s
store is developing, it is not worth mentioning if the product quality is too poor, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is too high in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, sugar and calories. Sitting
still
for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
it easier than ever to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
obese.
Moreover
, it caused from frequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. You may not know
yet
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
and anxiety are
also
one of the “culprits” causing overweight and obesity. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researches, on the same-energy diet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are anxious and depressed are twice likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
obese as happy or optimistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the busy pace of life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to participate in sports and outdoor activities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
high in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, along with not exercising, is
also
a reason for obesity.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, I’ll give you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, control the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
. Plan to have a diet contain healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
like vegetables, lean, chicken breast, ….
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
more fruits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Eat
less fried
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, chips and hamburgers. It is best to have a reasonable diet and limit the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
with high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and sugar components. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that, parents should spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
cooking and making handmade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which are fresh and ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
safety for our children. If they fed up with it, take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
clean recipes for them.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Furthemore
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
arrange reasonable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
between studying and participating in sports. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us lose weight, be more active and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
me healthier and happier. Anyway to the
next
point, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of obesity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
, control the diet
strictly
during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
of depression and don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
go on.

In short, each person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
aware about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
and have reasonable diet.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Must
avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
indiscriminately
which lead to obesity and
Possible spelling mistake found.
peolple
should exercise
regularly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the body in balance.
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IELTS essay 12. Obesity is a concerning problems in developed countries and big cities in developing countries. What are the causes of this? Suggest some possible solutions?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
466 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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