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Playing and WinningDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing a game is fun only when you win. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

Playing and Winning Playing a game is fun only when you win. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
There are many considerations or factors that every player takes into account in playing a game. People probably look for a victory, some may want a sense of achievement. Putting in these reasons in an order according to their importance, however could be very subjective and relative. For me, instead of a sense of a victory, but a plot of a game appeals to me. The attractive enjoyment mostly comes from an interesting or thrilling plot. Some amazing plots have shown a totally different to what I' m expected and surprised me. For example, a detective game, I played before, there was a lawyer help me to discover the truth when I tried to dig out more clues in the game. In the end, I could not reach the truth because witnesses are killed every time before I could contact them. It turns out, incredibly, that lawyer is a murder in the story. This kind of a plot is really intriguing and surprising. Another trait of the playing game also attracting me is a preparation process toward a sucess. For instance, in order to challenge a final boss, we get to prepare everything in advance such as characters performance and strategies. Something has to be deployed and planned properly. In this way, it' s more likely a tactic practice than just a video game for me. I could definitely learn something about it. Additionally, my another enjoyment comes from time spent with my friends. During the period of playing game, we could have lots of interaction with my friends. For example, say a battle game which incorporating two teams competing for a final winner. My classmates and I establish a team to fight with another group. We have to discuss tactics about how to defeat the others. We collaborate together and plan how to share the resource, how to separate tasks properly, who' s responsible for incoming fighting and supplement, such kind of deployment. During the process, we could develop a trust and a sense of community. There is nothing more appealing than this. In conclusion, winning a game for me is not just a consequence and an end. What' s most fascinates me are a plot, battle preparations as well as a sense of a collaboration and a trust. Therefore, playing a game not only benefits my relationship with my friends, but also an enjoyment of a plot and a preparation.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
considerations or factors that every player takes into account in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
a game.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
probably
look for a victory,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may want a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of achievement. Putting in these reasons in an order according to their importance,
however
could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
subjective and relative. For me,
instead
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of a victory,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plot
of a game appeals to me. The attractive enjoyment
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from an interesting or thrilling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plot
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
amazing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plots
have shown a
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
to what
Possible spelling mistake found.
I&
#039; m
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
and surprised me.
For example
, a detective game, I played
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, there was a lawyer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me to discover the truth when I tried to dig out more clues in the game. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I could not reach the truth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
witnesses
are killed
every time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
I could contact them. It turns out,
incredibly
, that lawyer is a murder in the story. This
If 'kind' is a classification term, 'a' is not necessary. Use "kind of". (The phrases 'kind of' and 'sort of' are informal if they mean 'to some extent'.)
kind of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plot
is
really
intriguing and surprising.

Another trait of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
game
also
attracting me is a preparation process toward a
Possible spelling mistake found.
sucess
.
For instance
, in order to challenge a final boss, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to prepare everything in advance such as characters performance and strategies. Something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be deployed
and planned
properly
. In this way,
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s more likely a tactic practice than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a video game for me. I could definitely learn something about it.

Additionally
, my another enjoyment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from time spent with my friends. During the period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
game, we could have lots of interaction with my friends.
For example
, say a battle game which incorporating two teams competing for a final winner. My classmates and I establish a team to fight with another group. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
discuss tactics about how to defeat the others. We collaborate together and plan how to share the resource, how to separate tasks
properly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
who&
#039; s responsible for incoming fighting and supplement, such kind of deployment. During the process, we could develop a trust and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of community. There is nothing more appealing than this.

In conclusion
, winning a game for me is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a consequence and an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
What&
#039; s most fascinates me are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plot
, battle preparations
as well
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of a collaboration and a trust.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
a game not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefits my relationship with my friends,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
an enjoyment of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plot
and a preparation.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Playing and Winning Playing a game is fun only when you win. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
402 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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