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06/10/2017People succeed because of their hard work, but some say it is something else that is significant for success. How far do you agree with this statement? Give some reasons from your personal knowledge or experience to support your stance? v.2

06/10/2017People succeed because of their hard work, but some say it is something else that is significant for success. How far Give some reasons from your personal knowledge or experience to support your stance? v. 2
Many aver individuals achieve their success due to hard work; however, others cast doubt on his point of view and believe something else may be crucial for becoming successful. Below both prospects will be discussed in details. On the one hand, working hard has an influence on person’s performance at a workplace. Firstly, moving steadily and purposefully in one direction allows an individual to get expertise, knowledge and knacks in his field of work, having those skills and experiences makes the person valuable for an employer; thus, the worker will likely be noticed by management and promoted to a more responsible position with higher pay. Secondly, a hard-working folk has certain personal traits such as strong will, determination, willingness to take responsibility for consequences of his actions and destiny. When applied to work those listed characteristics make their owner attractive for being promoted to well-paid positions inside company’s hierarchy and it is usually associated with achieving success. In other words, it is safe to assume that working intensively correlates with success. On the other hand, it appears that some circumstances may affect achieving successfulness. Primarily, being born in a wealthy family shortens one’s path to advancement because a child of a well-off family will probably have better child care, food that is rich in nutrition and high-quality education; moreover, usually such a family will have many acquaintances who are owners of businesses, entrepreneurs, politicians and pundits; thus, a member of such family has better job opportunities and connections that pave his the way to achieving success. Furthermore, luck is often seen as a prerequisite for becoming a wealthy and famous individual. In fact, blind luck that puts a human being in the right place at the right time appears to be one of the most significant factors that allows someone become successful. For instance, a thoughtful study of biographies of remarkable folks reveals that almost every of them had a moment of pure fortune that let them begin a career or make a discovery. Consequently, being lucky and having family connections impact person’s chances of succeeding. In conclusion, although hard working definitely correlates with success other factors such as luck and family ties are important for achieving desirable goals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
aver individuals achieve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work;
however
, others cast doubt on his point of view and believe something else may be crucial for becoming successful. Below both prospects will
be discussed
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

On the one hand, working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
has an influence on person’s performance at a workplace.
Firstly
, moving
steadily
and
purposefully
in one direction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
an individual to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
expertise, knowledge and knacks in his field of work, having those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and experiences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the person valuable for an employer;
thus
, the worker will likely
be noticed
by management and promoted to a more responsible position with higher pay.
Secondly
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working folk has certain personal traits such as strong will, determination, willingness to take responsibility for consequences of his actions and destiny. When applied to work those listed characteristics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their owner attractive for
being promoted
to well-paid positions inside
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
’s hierarchy and it is
usually
associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, it is safe to assume that working
intensively
correlates with success.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it appears that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances may affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieving
successfulness.
Primarily
,
being born
in a wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
shortens one’s path to advancement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a child of a well-off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will
probably
have better child care, food
that is
rich in nutrition and high-quality education;
moreover
,
usually
such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
acquaintances who are owners of businesses, entrepreneurs, politicians and pundits;
thus
, a member of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has better job opportunities and connections that pave his the way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
Furthermore
, luck is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a prerequisite for becoming a wealthy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
individual. In fact, blind luck that puts a human being in the right place at the right time appears to be one of the most significant factors that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
someone
Please check whether 'to' is missing here (to allow to do something).
become
successful.
For instance
, a thoughtful study of biographies of remarkable folks reveals that almost every of them had a moment of pure fortune that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
a career or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a discovery.
Consequently
, being lucky and having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
connections impact person’s chances of succeeding.

In conclusion
, although
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
definitely correlates with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors such as luck and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
ties are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieving
desirable goals.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay 06/10/2017People succeed because of their hard work, but some say it is something else that is significant for success. How far Give some reasons from your personal knowledge or experience to support your stance? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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