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Writing task about manufacturing instant noodle

Writing task about manufacturing instant noodle PVmAX
I'm going to explain the eight steps in manufacturing instant noodles. By looking at the diagram, we can understand that it starts with collecting flour from the storage soils and mixing with water and oil. Then, the manufacturing system makes the dough into sheets, strips, and finally into a shape called noodle discs. After that, the noodle discs will be cooked with oil, dried, and contained into cups with vegetable and spices. These are the main features we can describe from the diagram. It is surprising that all of the steps to manufacture instant noodles are done without human's hand but only using the manufacturing system. However, by doing so, the factory can provide the same instant noodles' taste every time they manufacture it and make consumers feel satisfied by eating them. Also using the manufacturing system makes it efficient to save time. These are the contents I could describe from the diagram.
I'm going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the eight steps in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noodles
. By looking at the diagram, we can understand that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
with collecting flour from the storage soils and mixing with water and oil. Then, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the dough into sheets, strips, and
finally
into a shape called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noodle
discs. After that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noodle
discs will
be cooked
with oil, dried, and contained into cups with vegetable and spices. These are the main features we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
from the diagram.

It is surprising that
Consider using "all the".
all of the
steps to manufacture instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noodles
are done
without human's hand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
system.
However
, by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the factory can provide the same instant noodles' taste every time they manufacture it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
consumers feel satisfied by eating them.

Also
using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it efficient to save time.

These are the contents I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
from the diagram.

IELTS academic Writing task about manufacturing instant noodle

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
153 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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