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Write a report for a university lecturer describing the changing pattern in commuting by train, car, tube or bus for commuters in the years 1960,1980 and 2000

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the changing pattern in commuting by train, car, tube or bus for commuters in the years 1960, 1980 and 2000 7LpXy
The rendered bar graph depicts the information about different mode of transports used by commuters in three different years. The given data is calibrated in percentage. To commence with, it is clear from graph that in 1960, the percentile of train was approximately 18 while in 1980, it was 27%. In addition, 23% of commuters used train as a transport in 2000. However, in 1960, they used car whose proportion was 7% and in 1980, it was 28% but in 2000, the ratio of commuters was 38% approximately which used car as a transport. Furthermore, the use of tube was comparatively equal in three years such as in 1960 its percentage was 28% while in 1980 and 2000 its proportion was 22% and 25% respectively. Despite this, the percentile of bus was 38% in 1960 and 26% in 1980 but in 2000 it was 15%. Overall, in 1960, the proportion of bus was greater than other mode of transport whereas in 1980, the train was used more than others. The car was mostly used by commuters in 2000 whose percentage was 38% which was greater.
The rendered bar graph depicts the information about
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different
mode of
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transports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
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commuters
in three
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different
years. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
data
is calibrated
in percentage. To commence with, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from graph that in 1960, the percentile of train was approximately 18 while in 1980, it was 27%.
In addition
, 23% of
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commuters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
train as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
in 2000.
However
, in 1960, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
car whose proportion was 7% and in 1980, it was 28%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2000, the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commuters
was 38% approximately which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
car as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of tube was
comparatively
equal in three years such as in 1960 its percentage was 28% while in 1980 and 2000 its proportion was 22% and 25%
respectively
. Despite this, the percentile of bus was 38% in 1960 and 26% in 1980
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2000 it was 15%.
Overall
, in 1960, the proportion of bus was greater than other mode of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
whereas in 1980, the train was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
more than others. The car was
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commuters
in 2000 whose percentage was 38% which was greater.
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IELTS academic Write a report for a university lecturer describing the changing pattern in commuting by train, car, tube or bus for commuters in the years 1960, 1980 and 2000

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
185 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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