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write a description about the rate of urbanization in South Korea and Indonesia

write a description about the rate of urbanization in South Korea and Indonesia paeYd
The line graph below illustrates the proportion of urbanization in both South Korea and Indonesia in a 40-year period starting from 1969. From an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that there was a sharp increase in the rate of urbanization in both countries. It is also clear from the graph that Indonesia's urbanization ratio was outweighed by that of South Korea. Taking a closer look at the line graph, we can see that, 1969 witnessed a constant rate of urbanization in Indonesia, which remained stable at about 20%. Over the next 10 years from 1979 to 1989 saw a steady increase of about 26%, which was 6% higher than that in 1969's trend. The urbanization rate continued to boost substantially at the end of the period and hit the highest point at around 52% in 2009. In South Korea, uninterrupted growth in the proportion of urbanization was witnessed in the first 20 years of the period, rising from 23% to 70%. This trend kept going up in a slight way, which was 11% higher and then remained constant in 2009.
The line graph below illustrates the proportion of urbanization in both South Korea and Indonesia in a 40-year period starting from 1969.

From an
overall
perspective, it is
readily
apparent that there was a sharp increase in the rate of urbanization in both countries. It is
also
clear
from the graph that Indonesia's urbanization ratio
was outweighed
by that of South Korea.

Taking a closer look at the line graph, we can
see
that, 1969 witnessed a constant rate of urbanization in Indonesia, which remained stable at about 20%. Over the
next
10 years from 1979 to 1989
saw
a steady increase of about 26%, which was 6% higher than that in 1969's trend. The urbanization rate continued to boost
substantially
at the
end
of the period and hit the highest point at around 52% in 2009.

In South Korea, uninterrupted growth in the proportion of urbanization
was witnessed
in the
first
20 years of the period, rising from 23% to 70%. This trend
kept
going up
in a slight way
, which was 11% higher and then remained constant in 2009.
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IELTS academic write a description about the rate of urbanization in South Korea and Indonesia

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
181 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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