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Working hours in different occupations and the rates of stress caused by these professions

Working hours in different occupations and the rates of stress caused by these professions 0aj09
The line graph and pie chart below compare various professionals in terms of weekly working hours and stress related issues due to these occupations. Overall, movie producers and business owners work more hours than all the given counterparts, while their percentage of stress is relatively small. On the other hand, lecturers suffer from the highest stress inspite of the fewest working hours. Although the proportion of working hours for film makers and businessmen accounts for 60 hours and 70 hours respectively, the rate of stress from these occupations is only 18%and 15%accordingly. However, lecturers who spend only 27 hours at work, the figure for strees afflict them is highest (25%). On the other hand, programmers whose figure for stress from work is the lowest, (5%) they work 40 hours per week. Although lawyers devote 35 hours and writers about 46 hours to their work weekly, the percentage of illness and tension caused by these professions are the same -8%.
The line graph and pie chart below compare various professionals in terms of weekly working
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hours
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
related issues due to these occupations.

Overall
, movie producers and business owners
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work
more
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hours
than all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
counterparts, while their percentage of
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stress
is
relatively
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small
.
On the other hand
, lecturers suffer from the highest
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stress
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inspite
of the fewest working hours.

Although the proportion of working
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hours
for film makers and businessmen accounts for 60
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hours
and 70
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hours
respectively
, the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
from these occupations is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
18%and 15%
accordingly
.

However
, lecturers who spend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
27
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hours
at
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work
, the figure for
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strees
afflict them is highest (25%).

On the other hand
, programmers whose figure for
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stress
from
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work
is the lowest, (5%) they
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work
40
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hours
per week.

Although lawyers devote 35
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hours
and writers about 46
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hours
to their
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work
weekly, the percentage of illness and tension caused by these professions are the same -8%.
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IELTS academic Working hours in different occupations and the rates of stress caused by these professions

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
159 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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