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The charts show the level of water consumption and residential water usage in Australia in 2004.

The charts show the level of water consumption and residential water usage in Australia in 2004. Pk6pd
The given pie chart illustrates the proportion of water consumed in different kind of fields in Australia in 2004 and the bar chart shows the rate of water used for 5 activities such as bathroom, toilet, washing clothes, kitchen and garden in Australia in given period. As can be seen from the pie chart, the percentage of water spent for residential was higher than that of the other domains. In particular, the largest rate of the water was in the residential ( houses) with 57% but the proportion of water was smallest in government with 15%. Besides, the second biggest  percentage of water was in residential ( apartments) with 13%  whereas the rate of water consumed was the lowest in business with 10%. As can be seen from bar chart, the rate of water used for bathroom was almost of higher than that of other activities. Particularly, the percentage of water spent of bathroom was largest with about 27% but the smallest rate of water used was in the kitchen with 10%. Moreover, the water used for the garden the greatest second rate with nearly 26% while the water spent for toilet the lowest rate with 15%.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie
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chart
illustrates the proportion of
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water
consumed in
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different
kind of fields in Australia in 2004 and the bar
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chart
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shows
the
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rate
of
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water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for 5 activities such as bathroom, toilet, washing clothes, kitchen and garden in Australia in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the pie
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chart
, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
spent for residential was higher than that of the other domains.
In particular
, the largest
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rate
of the
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water
was in the residential
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
) with 57%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the proportion of
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water
was smallest in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
with 15%.
Besides
, the second biggest
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
was in residential
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(
apartments) with 13%
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whereas the
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rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
consumed was the lowest in business with 10%.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from bar
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chart
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
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water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for bathroom was almost of higher than that of other activities.
Particularly
, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
spent of bathroom was largest with about 27%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the smallest
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rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
was in the kitchen with 10%.
Moreover
, the
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water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the garden the greatest second
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rate
with
nearly
26% while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
spent for toilet the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
with 15%.
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IELTS academic The charts show the level of water consumption and residential water usage in Australia in 2004.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
197 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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