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The line graph demonstrates the changes in male and female gym membership over a thirty year period.

The line graph demonstrates the changes in male and female gym membership over a thirty year period. 0ajQq
The line graph demonstrates the changes in male and female gym membership over a thirty year period. Dramatic ups and downs were occurred in gym membership during that period of time. Having started from the shy point of 2000 male a year in 1980 the amount of male clientele doubled by the year of 1985. A slight decline in 1987 was followed by a steep drop to 1500 male members a year which last for about half a decade. The 21st century commenced from a rapid climb of the males being members of gym clubs. Over five yers the numbers were growing strikingly. Though the trend reached its peak in 2005, in the very same year the amount of males involved in gym membership plummeted as low as 800 clients by 2010. Although, female membership didn’t have such tearing changes in its history, the lane graph demonstrates a relatively steady increase with frames of volatility.
The line graph demonstrates the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in male and female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
over a thirty
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year
period.

Dramatic ups and downs
were occurred
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
during that period of time. Having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from the shy point of 2000 male a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
in 1980 the amount of male clientele doubled by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of 1985. A slight decline in 1987
was followed
by a steep drop to 1500 male members a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
which last for about half a decade. The 21st century commenced from a rapid climb of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
being members of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
clubs. Over five
Possible spelling mistake found.
yers
the numbers were growing
strikingly
. Though the trend reached its peak in 2005, in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
plummeted as low as 800 clients by 2010.

Although, female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
didn’t have such tearing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in its history, the lane graph demonstrates a
relatively
steady increase with frames of volatility.
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IELTS academic The line graph demonstrates the changes in male and female gym membership over a thirty year period.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
155 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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