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The shown chart illustrates the climbing population in some of the world’s major cities as well as its distribution in urban and rural areas

The shown chart illustrates the climbing population in some of the world’s major cities as well as its distribution in urban and rural areas m8KxK
The shown chart illustrates the climbing population in some of the world’s major cities as well as its distribution in urban and rural areas. It is noticeable that Japan held the largest population while Bombay stood at the top in terms of growth rate. In 1970 Tokyo had about 16 million citizens, which increased estimately by 7 million every 20 years and managed to defend its place as the most populated city over the period. Significant growth can also be found in Bombay and Jakarta, where the population doubled twice in 1990 and 2010. Therefore, they went from least populated cities on the graph to the top three right after Tokyo. A surge of new dwellers also occurred in Shanghai, but it could not be seen until 2010 that roughly 9 million new citizens were registered. New York witnessed least changes with a growth of only 3 million people after 40 years.
The shown chart illustrates the climbing population in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the world’s major cities
as well
as its distribution in urban and rural areas. It is noticeable that Japan held the largest population while Bombay stood at the top in terms of growth rate.

In 1970 Tokyo had about 16
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
citizens, which increased
Possible spelling mistake found.
estimately
by 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
every 20 years and managed to defend its place as the most populated city over the period. Significant growth can
also
be found
in Bombay and Jakarta, where the population doubled twice in 1990 and 2010.
Therefore
, they went from
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
populated cities on the graph to the top three
Possible agreement error. The noun 'right' seems to be countable, so consider using: "rights".
right
after Tokyo. A surge of new dwellers
also
occurred in Shanghai,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it could not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
until 2010 that roughly 9
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
new citizens
were registered
. New York witnessed least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
with a growth of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
after 40 years.
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IELTS academic The shown chart illustrates the climbing population in some of the world’s major cities as well as its distribution in urban and rural areas

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
152 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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