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working hour and stress of employees

working hour and stress of employees B95p
The given graphs present data on the number of hours worked by people of different professions and the percentage of employees suffering from stress due to the professions they have. As is observed from the given data, Business persons work more hours on an average than people of other professions, and Lecturers suffer from stress-related illness more than other professional people. As is presented in the bar graph, businessmen work 70 hours per week which is the highest among the average working hours of given professions. Movie producers work 60 hours per week, which is 1o hours less than the businessmen but higher than working hours of other professions. The third highest working hours per week are for Doctors and they work more than 50 hours per week. Writers, programmers, lawyers, and chefs work 47, 40, 37, and 30 hours per week consecutively and the least hours of time are spent by lecturers on their works which is 28 hours per week. Interestingly, though the lecturers work fewer hours per week, they suffer from stress-related illness more than other professionals. On average, lecturers are one-fourth among those stress-related ill people. Movie producers and Doctors suffer from this illness and their percentages are 18 and 15 consecutively. Though businessmen work more working hours, their percentage of suffering from stress-related illness is only 10% which is lesser than the lecturers, movie producers, and doctors. Programmers, writers, and lawyers suffer the least amounting to less than 10% of the total number. In summary, the working hours are not directly related to the stress and illness from it as some professional who works less working hours suffer more in stress-related illness.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
graphs present data on the number of
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hours
worked by
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people
of
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different
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professions
and the percentage of employees suffering from
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stress
due to the
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professions
they have. As
is observed
from the
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given
data, Business persons
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work
more
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hours
on an average than
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people
of
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other
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professions
, and
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Lecturers
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suffer
from
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stress
-related
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illness
more than
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other
professional
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people
. As
is presented
in the bar graph, businessmen
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work
70
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hours
per
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week
which is the highest among the average
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working
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hours
of
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given
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professions
. Movie producers
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work
60
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hours
per
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week
, which is 1o
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hours
less than the businessmen
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but
higher than
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working
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hours
of
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other
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professions
. The third highest
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working
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hours
per
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week
are for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Doctors and
they
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work
more than 50
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hours
per
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week
. Writers, programmers, lawyers, and chefs
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work
47, 40, 37, and 30
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hours
per
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week
consecutively
and the least
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hours
of time
are spent
by
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lecturers
on their works which is 28
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hours
per
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week
.
Interestingly
, though the
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lecturers
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work
fewer
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hours
per
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week
, they
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suffer
from
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stress
-related
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illness
more than
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other
professionals. On average,
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lecturers
are one-fourth among those
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stress
-related ill
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people
. Movie producers and Doctors
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suffer
from this
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illness
and their percentages are 18 and 15
consecutively
. Though businessmen
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work
more
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working
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hours
, their percentage of suffering from
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stress
-related
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illness
is
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only
10% which is lesser than the
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lecturers
, movie producers, and doctors. Programmers, writers, and lawyers
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suffer
the least amounting to less than 10% of the total number. In summary, the
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working
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hours
are not
directly
related to the
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stress
and
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illness
from it as
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some
professional who works less
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working
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hours
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suffer
more in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
.
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IELTS academic working hour and stress of employees

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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