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The table below shows the number of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and after refurbishment. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit during the same two period.

The table below shows the number of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and after refurbishment. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit during the same two period. PNAj
The result of surveys are represents in the pie charts. The surveys were collection of feedback for satisfaction of the visit which was given by visitors. The statistics of travelers to Ashdown Museum throughout the year after and before redevelopment are in the table given. Overall, the number of visitors not only increased but also more satisfied after Ashdown Museum reconstruction. And percentage of dissatisfaction of visitors with their visit was almost double before refurbishment. To begin with, the total numbers of people who visited Ashdown Museum before reconstruction were 74, 000 only. According to surveys the satisfaction of visitors were almost equally satisfied and dissatisfied. And 5% people did not give their opinion to the survey before and after the renovation work. On the others hand, After work was carried out there were an extra 18, 000 visitors totaling 92000. The percentage of visitors who were dissatisfied with the museum dropped dramatically from 40% to 15%. Also those who were very dissatisfied with it are decreased half of 10%. At the same time, people who were satisfied with and very satisfied with the museum before accounted for total 45% while the percentage reached 75% after refurbishment with 40% and 35% respectively.
The result of
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surveys
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are
represents in the pie charts. The
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surveys
were collection of feedback for satisfaction of the visit which was
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given
by
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visitors
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
statistics of travelers to
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Ashdown
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Museum
throughout the year after and
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before
redevelopment are in the table
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given
.

Overall
, the number of
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visitors
not
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only
increased
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but
also
more
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satisfied
after
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Ashdown
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Museum
reconstruction. And percentage of dissatisfaction of
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visitors
with their visit was almost double
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before
refurbishment.

To
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begin
with, the total numbers of
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people
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who
visited
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Ashdown
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Museum
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before
reconstruction were 74, 000
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only
. According to
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surveys
the satisfaction of
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visitors
were almost
equally
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satisfied
and dissatisfied. And 5%
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people
did not give their opinion to the
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survey
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before
and after the renovation work.

On the others hand, After work
was carried
out there were an extra 18, 000
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visitors
totaling 92000. The percentage of
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visitors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were dissatisfied
with the
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museum
dropped
dramatically
from 40% to 15%.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
those
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who
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
dissatisfied with it
are decreased
half of 10%. At the same time,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were
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satisfied
with and
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very
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satisfied
with the
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museum
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before
accounted for total 45% while the percentage reached 75% after refurbishment with 40% and 35%
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The table below shows the number of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and after refurbishment. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit during the same two period.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
202 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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