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Workers’ Responses on Day Care Center in X Company

Workers’ Responses on Day Care Center in X Company kxKad
The data in Table 1 indicates a significant differently in the comments of female and male on Day Care Center of the X Company. It is obvious that most of women satisfied with the Day Care with 80%; while, the figure for men showed the opposite pattern with just well under a third. Another fact worth noticing is that the percentage of women saying no is just 15 percent; meanwhile, over a half of men showed the disappointed with the Day Care. There were only 5% of women and 15% of men did not have the answer for the survey. In conclusion, the numbers of female are generally agreed with the daycare in company X while men were not happy with this decision.
The data in Table 1 indicates a significant
differently
in the comments of female and male on Day Care Center of the X
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Company
. It is obvious that
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the women") or simply say "most women".
most of women
satisfied with the Day Care with 80%; while, the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the opposite pattern with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
well under a third. Another fact worth noticing is that the percentage of women saying
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
15 percent; meanwhile, over a half of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the disappointed with the Day Care. There were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5% of women and 15% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
did not have the answer for the survey.
In conclusion
, the numbers of female are
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
with the daycare in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
X while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
were not happy with this decision.
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IELTS academic Workers’ Responses on Day Care Center in X Company

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
123 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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