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Average Australian home and greenhouse emissions

Average Australian home and greenhouse emissions b2eW3
The two pie charts shows how energy is utilized in an average Australian home and the greenhouse gas emissions. There are 6 categories (heating, water heating, refrigeration, cooling, lighting and other appliances). It is clear that heating ranks number one at 42% and followed by water heating 30% among the household energy use. It prove that heating is the most utilized energy at home. But water heating in first rank and heating comes second in greenhouse gas emissions. There are 14 percent different. The other categories also show a increase in greenhouse gas emission compare to household energy use by average Australian household. 7% refrigeration, 13% for other appliances, 4% lighting, cooling and water heating almost same which is 1% and 2% differents. Most different is heating at 14%. There are the biggest gap among the two group. To conclude, energy used by greenhouse gas emissions is not environmentally friendly.
The two pie charts
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shows
how
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energy
is utilized
in an average Australian home and the
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greenhouse
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gas
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emissions
. There are 6 categories
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(heating
,
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water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
, refrigeration, cooling, lighting and other appliances).

It is
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clear
that
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heating
ranks number one at 42% and followed by
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water
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heating
30% among the household
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energy
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use
. It
Did you mean "proves"?
prove
that
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heating
is the most utilized
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energy
at home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
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water
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heating
in
first
rank and
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heating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
second in
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greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emissions
. There are 14
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "percents"?
percent
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different
. The other categories
also
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show
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
increase in
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greenhouse
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gas
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emission
compare to household
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energy
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use
by average Australian household. 7% refrigeration, 13% for other appliances, 4% lighting, cooling and
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water
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heating
almost same which is 1% and 2%
Possible spelling mistake found.
differents
. Most
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different
is
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heating
at 14%. There are the biggest
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "gaps"?
gap
among the two group.
To conclude
,
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energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emissions
is not
environmentally
friendly.
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IELTS academic Average Australian home and greenhouse emissions

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
150 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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