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women in upper management positions in different companies which are Eldan, Bamforth, and Finsbury through the period

women in upper management positions in different companies which are Eldan, Bamforth, and Finsbury through the period GlJYe
The table provided illustrates statistics of women in upper management positions in different companies which are Eldan, Bamforth, and Finsbury through the period of 40 years. It is noticeable that the rate of women in bosses positions had increased dramatically over the period for all three companies in specific, a sharp rise in women figure in Eldan which has made the company the absolute leader among the companies by the year 2015. Initially, Eldan company commence with 3% in 1975 and gradually increased to almost 28% by the mid of 1990s. While in the early 2000s starts with 28% and jumped rapidly to hit 64% by 2015 which makes it the highest rate among all three companies. But when it comes to Bamforth company it was 9% in the beginning and slightly growth to 13% at the end of 1900s. However, in the 2000s, it's soared significantly to 46% by the end of the period. Finsbury, has the lowest rate of increase so according to that, it is open the period at 16% and then undergoes a few fluctuations in the mid of 1900s. Moreover, after that, it has a steady rise until it reached 28% by the year 2015.
The table provided illustrates statistics of women in upper management positions in
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different
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companies
which are
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Eldan
,
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Bamforth
, and
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Finsbury
through the period of 40 years.

It is noticeable that the rate of women in bosses positions had increased
dramatically
over the period for all three
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companies
in specific, a sharp rise in women figure in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eldan
which has made the
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company
the absolute leader among the
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companies
by the year 2015.

Initially
,
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Eldan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
commence with 3% in 1975 and
gradually
increased to almost 28% by the mid of 1990s. While in the early 2000s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
with 28% and jumped
rapidly
to hit 64% by 2015 which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it the highest rate among all three
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

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But
when it
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comes
to
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Bamforth
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company
it was 9% in the beginning and
slightly
growth to 13% at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of 1900s.
However
, in the 2000s, it's soared
significantly
to 46% by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Finsbury
, has the lowest rate of increase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
according to that, it is open the period at 16% and then undergoes a few fluctuations in the mid of 1900s.
Moreover
, after that, it has a steady rise until it reached 28% by the year 2015.
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IELTS academic women in upper management positions in different companies which are Eldan, Bamforth, and Finsbury through the period

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
200 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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