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wo graphs compare and contrast data on the changes in the number of male and female workers

wo graphs compare and contrast data on the changes in the number of male and female workers EN0kb
The two graphs compare and contrast data on the changes in the number of male and female workers in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia in 1975 and 1995. Overall, a closer look at the charts highlights the fact that men were well ahead of women in all the job sectors in Freedonia in 1975. However, in 1995, women employment showed a remarkable progress. In 1975, men in Freedonia were visibly ahead of females in manufacturing, finance/banking, wholesale and retail trade, defence and non-defence sectors. In manufactoring, there were 600 male employees while there were only 300 female employees. Except the communication sector, the proportion of male employees was far greater than that of females. After 20 years, female employees have made great process and they went ahead of men in communication, wholesale and retail trade sectors. The only sector still dominated by the male was manufacturing and the job ratio in this sector remained almost the same as it was 20 years earlier.
The two graphs compare and contrast data on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the number of male and
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female
workers in several employment
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sectors
of the Republic of
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Freedonia
in 1975 and 1995.

Overall
, a closer look at the charts highlights the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
were well ahead of women in all the job
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sectors
in
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Freedonia
in 1975.
However
, in 1995, women employment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "remarkable progress".
a remarkable progress
.

In 1975,
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men
in
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Freedonia
were
visibly
ahead of
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females
in manufacturing, finance/banking, wholesale and retail trade,
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defence
and
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non-defence
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sectors
. In
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manufactoring
, there were 600 male
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employees
while there were
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only
300
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female
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employees
. Except the communication
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sector
, the proportion of male
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employees
was far greater than that of females.

After 20 years,
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female
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employees
have made great
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
process and
they went ahead of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in communication, wholesale and retail trade
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sectors
. The
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only
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sector
still
dominated by the male was manufacturing and the job ratio in this
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sector
remained almost the same as it was 20 years earlier.
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IELTS academic wo graphs compare and contrast data on the changes in the number of male and female workers

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
166 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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