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the graph below shows the percentage of dependence in 2000 and the predicted figures in 2050 in five countries, and also gives the world average.

the graph below shows the percentage of dependence in 2000 and the predicted figures in 2050 in five countries, and also gives the world average. 8g78r
The bar graph illustrates the proportion of dependants in five different nation in 2000 and also give the projection for 2050. It also gives the world average dependants in the remain period. Overall, It can be vividly manifested that the percentage of defense in future, by fall 4 %, Whereas in rest of the nation, the proportion of dependents will increase gradually by 2050, To begin with, in 2000, India top the list in the percentage of dependants was 39 %. In contrast, Indonesia, China, Japan had almost same proportion of dependents (Children below 50 percentage and adult abov 65%), which was 35 % for each. Nevertheless, the rest of the world average percentage of dependants was 25 percentage. While Korea had the least proportion of dependants, it accounted for 22% throughout the period. Looking to the future, it is predicted that the maximum proportion of dependents will occur in Japan, it accounted for almost a half. In Korea the population is expected to double by 2050, from 22% to 44%. While the entire world average population will increase by approximately 70% age. In 2015, India is the Country, which the proportion of dependants will decline, from 49% to 31% in 2050.
The bar graph illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
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dependants
in five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible agreement error. The noun 'nation' seems to be countable, so consider using: "nations".
nation
in 2000 and
also
give the projection for 2050. It
also
gives the world average
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dependants
in
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'remain' is correct. If 'remain' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the remain
period.

Overall
, It can be
vividly
manifested that the
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percentage
of defense
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
, by fall 4 %, Whereas in rest of the nation, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of dependents will increase
gradually
by 2050,

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in 2000, India top the list in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
dependants
was 39 %.
In contrast
, Indonesia, China, Japan had almost same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of dependents (Children below 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
and adult
Possible spelling mistake found.
abov
65%), which was 35 % for each.
Nevertheless
, the rest of the world average
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percentage
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
dependants
was 25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
. While Korea had the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
dependants
, it accounted for 22% throughout the period.

Looking to the future, it
is predicted
that the maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of dependents will occur in Japan, it accounted for almost a half. In Korea the population is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to double by 2050, from 22% to 44%.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
the entire world average population will increase by approximately 70% age. In 2015, India is the Country, which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
dependants
will decline, from 49% to 31% in 2050.
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IELTS academic the graph below shows the percentage of dependence in 2000 and the predicted figures in 2050 in five countries, and also gives the world average.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
202 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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