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Which inventions do you think very important for you?

Which inventions do you think very important for you? jDnKN
There are many things in life that extremely important for me, and I will tell you a number of things that very important. And I will point out some reasons why I choose them in this essay. First of all, smartphone can be considered an indispensable item in my daily life. It helps me in studying a lot, for example, I can find all the information about the lesson on the Internet very easily. In addition, it helps me in contacting friends and parents easier. The phone is very compact, therefore I can take it everywhere Second, a television has also helped me a lot in entertainment. And it is a device that helps me relieve stress after hours of hard study. And television also have educational programs and I can gain a lot of knowledge. In my opinion, smartphone and television have a lot of advantages for me. They support my studies and my life.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things in life that
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for me, and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you a number of things that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. And I will point out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why I choose them in this essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, smartphone can
be considered
an indispensable item in my daily life. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
me in studying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
,
for example
, I can find all the information about the lesson on the Internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
.
In addition
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
me in contacting friends and parents easier. The phone is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
compact,
therefore
I can take it everywhere

Second, a television has
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
in entertainment. And it is a device that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
me relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
after hours of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
study. And television
also
have educational programs and I can gain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of knowledge.

In my opinion, smartphone and television have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of advantages for me. They support my studies and my life.

IELTS academic Which inventions do you think very important for you?

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
156 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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