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West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.

West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950. PVNnd
The West Park Secondary School have had a lot of changes throughout the years, since 1950 to 2010 there has been several transformations. As we can see, the diagrams show that through the years the main road and the main building of the school is the same and haven't changed. In 1950 the school was smaller, it dint have any green area and there where houses and a farmland near it. In 1980 we can see the first change, the Secondary School implemented a Car park, science block and a big sports field that substituted the old houses and farmland. In 2010 there were a lot of changes, the spots field is now a part of the playground and the older field was replaces by a bigger car park. In conclusion the West Park Secondary School territory grew along the years and became a move equipped school.
The West
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Park
Secondary
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School
have had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
throughout the years, since 1950 to 2010 there has been several transformations. As we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, the diagrams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that through the years the main road and the main building of the
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school
is the same and haven't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. In 1950 the
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school
was smaller,
It seems that the possessive pronoun "its" fits better in this context. Please verify.
it
Did you mean "didn't"?
dint
have any green area and there
Did you mean "were", the simple past of "to be"?
where
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houses
and a farmland near it. In
The comma is probably missing here: "1980, we".
1980 we
can
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see
the
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, the Secondary
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School
implemented a Car
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park
, science block and a
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big
sports field that substituted the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and farmland.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
2010 there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
, the spots field is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a part of the playground and the older field was replaces by a bigger car
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park
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion the West
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Park
Secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
territory grew along the years and became a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
equipped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
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IELTS academic West Park Secondary School since its construction in 1950.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
147 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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