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What is the features of manufacturing instant noodles?

What is the features of manufacturing instant noodles? QLpYy
This diagram shows that how instant noodles are manufactured. At the first step, the four are mixed up with water and oil. This could mean that by adding water and oil, it makes it easy to mix the flour up. Also, the two ingredients make the flour thick so that the flour can be like solid. In the middle of the procedure, noodles are cooked and dried. This procedure is the most important one to make the instant noodles. This step enable the noodles to be preserved for long time and to be cooked in few minutes. Whole of this procedure are done in one lane. This system makes all the task efficient and make less errors. Furthermore, other than bringing flour to the silos, they do not need a human resources due to the all automatic system. Regarding the super aging society with fewer children in Japan. These kind of systems should be used more to support the society. In conclusion, this system has a lot of smart point to make it smooth to manufacture the instant noodles. We have a lot of feature than we can learn and imitate in the ordinary life.
This diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that how instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noodles
are manufactured
. At the
first
step, the four
are mixed
up with water and oil. This could mean that by adding water and oil, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
it easy to mix the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flour
up.
Also
, the two ingredients
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flour
thick
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flour
can be like solid.

In the middle of the procedure,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noodles
are cooked
and dried. This procedure is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noodles
.
The verb 'enable' is plural. Did you mean: "This step enables"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This step enable
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noodles
to
be preserved
for long time and to
be cooked
in few minutes.

Whole of this procedure
are done
in one lane. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
all the task efficient and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun errors is countable.
less
errors.
Furthermore
, other than bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flour
to the silos, they do not need a human resources due to the all automatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
. Regarding the super aging society with fewer children in Japan.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
more to support the society.

In conclusion
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
smart point to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it smooth to manufacture the instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noodles
. We have
Possible agreement error. The noun feature seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of features".
a lot of feature
than we can learn and imitate in the ordinary life.
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IELTS academic What is the features of manufacturing instant noodles?

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
195 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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