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various stages involved in canned fruit production

various stages involved in canned fruit production xDl0N
The diagram illustrates various stages involved in canned fruit production of pears. Overall, the process undergoes total of 12 stages beginning with hand picking untill they are finally dispatched for use. To begin with, the fruits are hand picked then transported, neatly washed, and a quality check is done. Following this, they are put in cold storage, weighed and graded, peeling is done after which they are sliced into pieces. In the next stage, they are canned, sealed in the container, sterilised by cooking and labelled thereafter. They are finally stored and dispatched for consumption.
The diagram illustrates various stages involved in canned fruit production of pears.

Overall
, the process undergoes total of 12 stages beginning with
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hand picking
Possible spelling mistake found.
untill
they are
finally
dispatched for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the fruits are
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hand picked
then transported,
neatly
washed, and a quality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
is done
. Following this, they
are put
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
storage, weighed and graded, peeling
is done
after which they
are sliced
into pieces.

In the
next
stage, they
are canned
, sealed in the container,
Possible spelling mistake. 'sterilised' is British English.
sterilised
by cooking and labelled thereafter. They are
finally
stored and dispatched for consumption.
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IELTS academic various stages involved in canned fruit production

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
95 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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