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utilization of electronic appliance in house hold 1920-2019

utilization of electronic appliance in house hold 1920-2019 yxLKg
From the given line graph, it can be depicted that when the ratio of electronic appliance usage increased the working hours in house was reduced. Over all, from the sketch clearly noticed the utilization of electronic items was low in 1920 and its demand is more in 2019. Let's discuss in detail, during initial period of 1920 the demand of washing machine and vacuum cleaner was 30% and 40% respectively. Simultaneously the need of refrigerator was not at all required and its rate is 0% only. But a line graph was steadily moving in a upward direction till 1940, Moreover the working hours in house per week line graph was moving to downward direction to show less works and the hours was 50 at first then gradually reduced to 20 hours per week. More over, around a time of 1980 to 2019 a utilization of fridge and dust cleaning machine graph reached to highest peak as 100% except washing machine and its demand was fluctuating to 60% to 70% during that period and in 2019 it reached maximum as 75%. Since then the working hours in house sketch went down to 10 hours as least per week. In conclusion, when there is high usage of utilization and there is a less hours of working in home
From the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
, it can
be depicted
that when the ratio of electronic appliance usage increased the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

Over all, from the sketch
clearly
noticed the utilization of electronic items was low in 1920 and its demand is more in 2019.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's discuss in detail, during initial period of 1920 the demand of washing machine and vacuum cleaner was 30% and 40%
respectively
.
Simultaneously
the need of refrigerator was not at all required and its rate is 0%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
a line
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
was
steadily
moving in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
upward direction till 1940,
Moreover
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
per week line
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
was moving to downward direction to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun works is countable.
less
works and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
was 50 at
first
then
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per week.

More over, around a time of 1980 to 2019 a utilization of fridge and dust cleaning machine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
reached to
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
peak as 100% except washing machine and its demand was fluctuating to 60% to 70% during that period and in 2019 it reached maximum as 75%. Since then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
sketch went down to 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
as least per week.

In conclusion
, when there is high usage of utilization and there is a less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in home
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IELTS academic utilization of electronic appliance in house hold 1920-2019

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
215 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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