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Using new technologies is the best way for children to sped their free time. Do advantages overweigh disadvantages

Using new technologies is the best way for children to sped their free time. Do advantages overweigh disadvantages nR17E
Gone are the days when children used to reading books and played some outdoors game to spent their leisure time however table has turned and today's generation use new technologies devices to passed their spare time such as mobile phone, video games and watching movies on television and so on. It has more disadvantages than advantages. To begin with, some people believe that it is good way to spend free time by using new technology like mobile, television and video games this is the perhaps because they can learn more things about new world or enhance thier knowledge. However may be it leads bad impact on children eye sight and it increase the chances of damaging the brain. An example American newspaper 'the new york' printed the new that in next 20 year children will become more dull and effect from diseases like eye problems, breathing and heart problems. Nevertheless, it leads many other disadvantages. By using new technology people become more isolated and they have only online friends not surrounding by them or real and it leads the people selfish as result they will have not any emotional for their loves ones. On top of it, they become introvert that is the biggest issues. Being introvert person they will have not word for start conversation with others and do not know to the style of talking with another person's. For example, in indian newspaper they daily print atleats one news to related this notion that one selfish perons kill thier family member only due to selfish. To conclude, it would be sensible abundance to understand that using more new technology for only sake of spending their free time is not good for every individuals. To my view parents ought be encourage their children to play outside games and help them to pursunig thier hobbies so that they can not give much priorities to new technologies
Gone
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
the days when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to reading books and played
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
outdoors game to spent their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
however
table has turned and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
devices to passed their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
such as mobile phone, video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and watching movies on television and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. It has more disadvantages than advantages.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a good".
good
way to spend free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
like mobile, television and video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
this is the perhaps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can learn more things about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
world or enhance
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
knowledge.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
Did you mean "maybe" (= perhaps)?
may be
it leads
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This word is usually spelt together: "eyesight".
eye sight
and it
Did you mean "increases"?
increase
the chances of damaging the brain. An example American newspaper 'the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
new york
' printed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
that in
next
20 year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will become more dull and effect from diseases like eye problems, breathing and heart problems.

Nevertheless
, it leads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other disadvantages. By using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
isolated and
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
online friends not surrounding by them or real and it leads the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
selfish as result they will have not any emotional for their
Did you mean "loved ones"?
loves ones
. On top of it, they become introvert
that is
the biggest issues. Being introvert person they will have not
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "worded".
word
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
conversation with others and do not know to the style of talking with another person's.
For example
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
indian
newspaper they daily print
Possible spelling mistake found.
atleats
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
Did you mean "to relate"?
to related
this notion that one selfish
Possible spelling mistake found.
perons
kill
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
family member
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
due to selfish.

To conclude
, it would be sensible abundance to understand that using more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
sake of spending their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "individual"?
individuals
. To my view parents
Did you mean "ought to be"?
ought be
Consider using the past participle "encouraged"?
encourage
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to play outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
Possible spelling mistake found.
pursunig
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
hobbies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can not give
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
priorities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
technologies
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IELTS academic Using new technologies is the best way for children to sped their free time. Do advantages overweigh disadvantages

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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