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Units of electricity production by fuel sources in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000

Units of electricity production by fuel sources in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000 l5Ow
The presented pie chart shows raw materials and their total units for electricity production in France and Australia in two varied years, 1980 and 2000. In general, we can immediately observe that total production of electricity in 2000 was around twice as it was in 1980, in both countries. However, the amount of main raw materials differed by year and country. As presented in a pie chart, the main source material for Australia was coal which was half of the total production of electricity in 1980, and another half of total production contained natural gas (20 units), hydro power (20 units), oil (10 units). After 20 years, a dramatic change in the number of units was viewed where coal usage showed a substantial increase from 50 to 130. Moreover, the oil and natural gas units were presented a rapid decrease to 2 units for both. In contrast with Australia, there were 5 different sources for electrical manufacturing in France. Although in 1980 materials were consisted of different proportions of total production, the significant part of the production was nuclear power in 2000. Furthermore, oil and coal were also taken the same amount of proportion with 25 units respectively.
The presented pie chart
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shows
raw
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materials
and their
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total
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units
for electricity
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production
in France and Australia in two varied years, 1980 and 2000.
In general
, we can immediately observe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
of electricity in 2000 was around twice as it was in 1980, in both countries.
However
, the amount of main raw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
differed by year and country.

As presented in a pie chart, the main source
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
for Australia was coal which was half of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
of electricity in 1980, and another half of
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total
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production
contained natural gas (20
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units)
,
This word is normally spelled as one.
hydro power
(20
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units)
, oil (10
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units)
. After 20 years, a dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
was viewed
where coal usage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a substantial increase from 50 to 130.
Moreover
, the oil and natural gas
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units
were presented
a rapid decrease to 2
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units
for both.

In contrast
with Australia, there were 5
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different
sources for electrical manufacturing in France. Although in 1980
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
were consisted
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
proportions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
, the significant part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
was nuclear power in 2000.
Furthermore
, oil and coal were
also
taken the same amount of proportion with 25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
respectively
.

IELTS academic Units of electricity production by fuel sources in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
198 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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