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The charts below illustrate accommodation choices in the country of Evonia for people aged from 17-29 years, 30-45 years, and over 45 years.

The charts below illustrate accommodation choices in the country of Evonia for people aged from 17-29 years, 30-45 years, and over 45 years. RKYQ
The Pie charts demonstrate the variety of living places in the Evonia country for different age groups (17-29 years, 30-45 years, over 45 years). Overall, the charts indicates that majority of young people live in different kinds of rented apartments while more older people preferably live in own ones. All age groups have the same percentage of people who live in single rental accommodation (about 20-25%). 35 % of individuals stay in shared rental accommodation in 17-29 ages and this tendency has downward trend in middle age group (less than 10 %) then it falls up to 3 % in older group. 30 % of youngsters 17 and 29 live in hostel whereas only 2 % of middle aged choose the same type of accommodation and there is no people among elders who stay in hostels. Significantly small share of young people have their own houses and flats (2% and 12%) compare with more older groups. Moreover, both of groups 30-45 years old and 45 years and over have almost the same proportion of owning their homes and apartments (approximately 30% and 35%).
The Pie charts demonstrate the variety of living places in the
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Evonia
country for
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different
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age
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groups
(17-29 years, 30-45 years, over 45 years).

Overall
, the charts indicates that majority of young
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people
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live
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of rented apartments while
Use only "older" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more older
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people
preferably
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live
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ones. All
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age
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groups
have the same percentage of
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people
who
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live
in single rental accommodation (about 20-25%).

35 % of individuals stay in shared rental accommodation in 17-29
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ages
and this tendency has downward
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "trended".
trend
in middle
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age
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group
(less than 10 %) then it falls up to 3 % in older
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group. 30
% of youngsters 17 and 29
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live
in hostel whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2 % of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
middle aged
choose the same type of accommodation and there is no
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people
among elders who stay in hostels.
Significantly
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small
share of young
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people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and flats (2% and 12%) compare with
Use only "older" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
.
Moreover
, both of
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groups
30-45 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and 45 years and over have almost the same proportion of owning their homes and apartments (approximately 30% and 35%).
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IELTS academic The charts below illustrate accommodation choices in the country of Evonia for people aged from 17-29 years, 30-45 years, and over 45 years.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
183 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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