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unemployment situation in Australia in the year 2012.

unemployment situation in Australia in the year 2012. 9LLxp
The chart represents the jobless situation in Australia in 2012. Overall, at first quarter of the year 2012, the urban areas rate was lower than rural areas. However both trades had some fluctuation, in the end, both of them approximatley touched the same point in the chart. The persentage of unemployment in urban aria at the first season of 2012 was about between 2% and 3% and in the second quarter of the year it rose 1% in comparison to the first quarter, but in third season of the year it experienced a sharp downward to about 2% and again increased to 4% in the end of third quarter and finaly at the end of the year it grew to about 5%. The persentage of jobless peope rate in rural areas was about 6. 5% at first but it had a steadley decreased to about 4. 5% in the midle of second quarter of the year, but it grew to approximatley 5. 2% in the third season, then it experienced a steadley smooth downward in the last quarter of the year and finally it touched 5% at the end of the year.
The chart represents the jobless situation in Australia in 2012.

Overall
, at
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first
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quarter
of the
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year
2012, the urban areas rate was lower than rural areas.
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However
both trades had
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some
fluctuation, in the
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end
, both of them
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approximatley
touched the same point in the chart.

The
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persentage
of unemployment in urban aria at the
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first
season of 2012 was about between 2% and 3% and in the second
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quarter
of the
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year
it rose 1%
in comparison
to the
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first
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quarter
,
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but
in third season of the
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year
it experienced a sharp downward to about 2% and again increased to 4% in the
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end
of third
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quarter
and
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finaly
at the
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end
of the
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year
it grew to about 5%.

The
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persentage
of jobless
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peope
rate in rural areas was about 6. 5% at
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first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it had a
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steadley
decreased to about 4. 5% in the
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midle
of second
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quarter
of the
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year
,
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but
it grew to
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approximatley
5. 2% in the third season, then it experienced a
Possible spelling mistake found.
steadley
smooth downward in the last
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quarter
of the
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year
and
finally
it touched 5% at the
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end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
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IELTS academic unemployment situation in Australia in the year 2012.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
192 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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