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unemployment rates: US and Japan

unemployment rates: US and Japan Q2rY3
The proportion of unemployment is depicted in the line chart below in America and Japan over 60 years. It is clear from the graph that both countries’ percentages were going in the opposite direction. According to what is shown, the USA and Japan had started at around 7% and 2. 5% respectively. As there was a significant dip in the unemployment ratio in the USA during the first three years, there was a gradual climb in Japan’s ratio. Thereafter the USA’s proportion fluctuated wildly at about 5. 5 percent until nearly the beginning of 1997, while the proportion in Japan was increasing in the same period. Consequently the two countries’ ratio continued its usual behavior until March-1999 when Japan exceeded the USA at about 4. 5% and 4% respectively. To sum up, we could say that the number of unemployed people increased for Japan and dropped for America throughout the period until 1999 when Japan was almost 0. 5 percent more than the USA.
The proportion of unemployment
is depicted
in the line chart below in America and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
over 60 years. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the graph that both countries’ percentages were going in the opposite direction.

According to what
is shown
, the USA and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at around 7% and 2. 5%
respectively
. As there was a significant dip in the unemployment ratio in the USA during the
first
three years, there was a gradual climb in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan’s
ratio.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thereafter
the USA’s proportion fluctuated
wildly
at about 5. 5 percent until
nearly
the beginning of 1997, while the proportion in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
was increasing in the same period.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
the two countries’ ratio continued its usual behavior until March-1999 when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
exceeded the USA at about 4. 5% and 4%
respectively
.

To sum up, we could say that the number of unemployed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
increased for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
and dropped for America throughout the period until 1999 when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
was almost 0. 5 percent more than the USA.
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IELTS academic unemployment rates: US and Japan

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
164 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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