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Unemployment rate of Australia in the year 2012

Unemployment rate of Australia in the year 2012 JlDMa
Unemployment is always a threat for the even for the people living in highly developed countries. So, Here is a the line chart illustrating unemployment rate of Australia in the year 2012. As we can see, Percentage of unemployment is different in rural and urban areas. But the urban community is more affected than the rural folks. However, the situation is bit different for each quarters in the year. Considering the numbers of first quarter, there is a tremendous hike in unemployment rate. Meanwhile, in the country side there is almost a 2 percentage in the statistics. Situation remained unchanged for the rural side in the forthcoming quarters as well. Even though job market come alive in the second quarter, it could not able continue to the remaining part of the year. Happily though villergers statistics able to keep up a steady rate. The small changes in economy may reflect the job very badly in the cities but not for the country side.
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Unemployment
is always a threat for the even for the
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people
living in
highly
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developed countries
.
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So
, Here is
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "a" or "the" is left.
a the
line chart illustrating
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unemployment
rate of Australia in the year 2012. As we can
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see
, Percentage of
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unemployment
is
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different
in rural and urban areas.
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But
the urban community is more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
than the rural folks.
However
, the situation is
Consider using a past participle here: "bitten".
bit
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different
for each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "quarter"?
quarters
in the year. Considering the numbers of
first
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quarter
, there is a tremendous hike in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
rate. Meanwhile, in the country side there is almost a 2 percentage in the statistics. Situation remained unchanged for the rural side in the forthcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarters
as well
.
Even though
job market
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
alive in the second
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quarter
, it could not able continue to the remaining part of the year.
Happily
though
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villergers
statistics able to
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keep
up a steady rate. The
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small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in economy may reflect the job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
badly
in the cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not for the country side.
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IELTS academic Unemployment rate of Australia in the year 2012

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
163 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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